Friday, July 22, 2011

What to do when it's stinking hot...

If it's 39C (102F) with a humidex (a uniquely Canadian term) of 46C (115F), there's lots you can do besides melting into a puddle of grease. That's what happened to my poor friend Eugene in yesterday's blast furnace temps. He is the cheesemaker at Upper Canada Village, and was sweltering over vats of milk-being-turned-into-cheese. Apparently that was not pleasant.

As an alternative to melting into a puddle of grease like my poor friend Eu, here's what you can do to endure a July heatwave in Canada:

1) Go out and look at a bungalow with your mother-in-law. Help her put an offer in it. Go to real estate agent's waterfront home to sign papers after offer is accepted. Cuddle agent's adorable pug! (And yes, my mother-in-law is moving here from Toronto this fall.)

2) Celebrate by drinking VERY COLD BEER: Guinness, breakfast of champions! My mother claimed they used to tell pregnant and breastfeeding women to drink it because it was good for you. I often wonder if my mother drank it while pregnant with me. It would explain a lot!

3) Eat supper at a local pub because it's TOO DAMN HOT to cook in your own kitchen. Try out the local specialty, the Lancaster Perch Roll.  Perch, soft white bun, fried onions, and special perch sauce. I have never tried one and probably never will. Perch is not my favourite; I grew up fishing it on beautiful Georgian Bay, where we moored our boat, and I have had eaten enough perch to last me until the end of time.

Gordon and his Mom were braver:

They gave the perch roll two thumbs up!

Me, I preferred the flatbread chicken with chipotle chicken and a bunch of other gooey stuff:

So,  if the weather is wretchedly, revoltingly hot (or bitterly cold, or anything in between), you can..

4) Visit Jack's Pub in Williamstown, Ontario. Cool off with a beer and let someone else cook for you. Jack's is about the closest thing I've seen yet to a real English pub, a tradition which has sadly not caught on in this country.

Still hot? You can...

5) Check out the scarecrow dioramas popping up all over Glengarry in advance of the 200th annual Williamstown Fair, August 5 - 7th. I particularly liked this straw-bale tractor!

Still hot? Go bath in a tub full of ice cubes while drinking sangria. And have a great weekend!


  1. My MIL was only just telling me today that they were told to drink Guiness when breastfeeding to produce more milk!

  2. It was 101 F outside my work yesterday. Felt like 115 with the heat index. What's going on here? Randy wanted to go out for dinner, but after I came home and went out and played with the chickens and guineas, I was sweating like a gorilla (do gorillas sweat??), I just wanted to melt in front of the TV in the kitchen and watch the miserable news on the budget issues. I didn't even feel like cooking. I ended up making corn on the cob and sliced cucumbers for dinner. Randy is patient with me sometimes!

  3. You have the wisdom of how to beat this heat. Love your upbeat post. Now to make enough cubes to fill the tub!

  4. Anonymous8:19 am

    "Flatbread Chicken". Chicken?

    Knat-lee eats chicken
    Returns home with guilt weighing
    Chickens look. They know...

  5. LBM, there must have been a lot of drunken babies born back in the 60s! ;)

    Lynn, UGH!!! You guys get the steamiest summers. I need to find a sleeveless dress for the Bar Mitzvah in August. Has it cooled down any? Corn on the cob and cucumbers sound JUST FINE in a heatwave! And I see the budget nonsense is still going on.

    Nancy, a tub full of ice cubes sounds like a great idea!

    Andrew, you slay me! And I always feel guilty visiting the coop after a chicken dinner...


Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!