Monday, June 16, 2008

Sunglasses Death Toll

Er, if you're wondering about the new addition to the sidebar...

I have killed off three pairs of sunglasses thus far in the past month. Hubster keeps laughing at me for this. He thinks I always lose sunglasses. He is wrong. I usually DESTROY sunglasses, most often by sitting or stepping on them when I put them down while outside gardening. But this year, the massacre is large and growing.

Pair one: I was trying to repair my "expensive" (I spent forty bucks on them. That is a lot for me!) sunglasses. The screw was constantly loose (on the sunglasses, not ME, thankyouverymuch), and I was determined to tighten it properly. Foolishly, and with characteristic impulsiveness, I chose to do this on our back deck, where there are larger-than-sunglass-screw-sized gaps between the boards. The screw I was trying to tighten dropped out and fell to oblivion, along with the spacer thing next to it. Bye bye!

Pair Two: So I bought myself a pair of basic black plastic sunglasses for $14.00 at the drugstore. It took me a week and a half to lose them. I wore them out kayaking last Friday. We were paddling downriver when we encountered a HUGE tree that had fallen across the water. I found a gap between the tree and the waterline that I could shimmy under in my kayak, à la limbo. (I was in no mood to get out and portage.) To fit under the tree trunk, I had to lie waaaaay back and slither down into the front of my kayak. My sunglasses were tucked not-very-securely into my lifejacket, or perhaps my hat. Evidently, they tumbled out and into the murky water whilst I was shaking my booty down into the depths of my noble orange vessel. Bye bye!

I should add that my eyes are very light sensitive, for various reasons, and I NEED sunglasses, especially if I am doing something outside that requires keeping my eyes open. You know, like driving an automobile. I must have a pair on hand. I can't be DOING this all the time. Sigh...

But no problemo! We were going out shopping Saturday, so I popped into yet another ubiquitous chain drugstore and scanned the sunglass racks (yes, I am capable of going into a proper store for sunglasses, but this area isn't awash in fine shopping opportunities.) What do I find but the same glasses I lost, at 40% off! BoNANza! So I picked up a pair in black, and also selected a pair in tortoiseshell, thinking that I would thus have an extra pair.


Pair three: Today I took the dogs into the woodlot. While wandering around in the pine trees, getting poked by branches and stung by stinging nettles, and generally not paying enough attention to anything because I was too busy grooving to Serena Ryder and Ozzy Osbourne (but not together! That would make for a a horrific duet. Poor Serena!*) on my iPod, I crammed my sunglasses into the pocket of my new shorts, utterly failing to realize that the pockets on these damn things are very shallow. Not unlike Stephen Harper.

Therefore, when I emerged from the woods into the bright light of day, I reached for my shades and found... nothing. Nada. Squat. Rien. Alas, the new black sunglasses, identical to the black sunglasses lost on Friday, now reside somewhere on the forest floor, to be nibbled at by squirrels and pooped upon by porcupines.

Bye bye!

Gordon did helpfully encourage me to buy one of those string thingies you wear around your neck and attach to your glasses so you can look like a forgetful little old lady. I dutifully bought one Saturday, sans rhinestones, then completely forgot about it (like a forgetful little old lady.) I think perhaps I shall attach it to the tortoiseshell glasses RIGHT NOW, before another ghastly sunglasses-icide occurs and I have to go out driving with my eyes closed.

And so my friends, I have implemented the Sunglasses Death Toll 2008 Amazing Sidebar Counter Thing. Count along, and weep with me for my tortured lenses.


*...and may I also recommend the highly talented Basia Bulat?


  1. I know this is going to sound like stupid advice, but if you buy expensive ones and get a good case, they might be tougher to lose, because they are either on your face, or in the case. Also, you just treat them better.

    I love the Stephen Harper reference.

  2. LOL... I have to laugh cause Mr. M just can't understand why I *still* have the same pair of glasses that I had when I met him. Okay so its almost 12 years or something like that. But like Sunglasses Guy said if you buy an expensive pair (mine are Serengeti that cost over $100) your bound to keep them then! I did tell Mr. M its time for me to get another pair. :-)

    ~ Wolf Lover Girl

  3. The advice isn't stupid, but I may be too stupid to take it! Otoh, I have looked at the blog of Sunglasses Guy and learned much already. I need some polarizing lenses!!!

    I dunno, I can totally see myself stepping on a pair of $300 sunglasses in a moment of distraction. :)

  4. Anonymous10:04 am

    maybe you should see this as a S and T training opportunity .. "FIND the glasses ... no noooo put the dead thing down .. mommy's GLASSES..."

    I've managed to hang onto two pairs that I bought precisely in Bolton UK in 2006 ... and took them to Rome, Venice ...etc without losing them.

    THEN Wallace arrives in Sept 2006. He only got to one pair but the temples are chewed up at then ends to they feel scratchy behind my ears. ick. The other pair is still chugging along .. even though some how the screws broke...didn't fall out, mind you, broke ... so the temples are kind of wobbly. I actually took them somewhere because I thought the screws had fallen out, but they are stuck in the holes so I can't put new screws in. oh deary me.

  5. Many years ago, I bought a pair of expensive Revo sunglasses. My eyes are light sensitive also, and thought a really good pair would be worth the investment. Then we adopted Ralphie. And we went out to brunch one day. Ralphie had separation anxiety and CHEWED/MAULED my $140 Revo sunglasses. Not his fault. But since then, I don't pay more then $20 for sunglasses. And yes, get polarized!


Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!