Dear Red Squirrels, (the fast ones still flourishing after Tristan-dog removed the slow ones out from the gene pool -- mmm, tasty!)
Yes, I know that Gordon got a new squirrel-proof birdfeeder, and a big squirrel baffle for the other birdfeeder, and now you can't sit and gorge yourselves all day long on gourmet birdseed. Don't take it too personally; really these measures were aimed at the Norway rats who thought they'd found themselves a new rural restaurant chez nous. Squirrels, we do not want rats in the walls of our house now that we have successfully evicted YOU from the wall of our house. Hence the changes to the birdfeeding stations.
Yes, I know these draconian measures have put a serious cramp in your high-livin', peanut-and-sunflower-seed-filled lifestyle (who knew red squirrels could have the rodent equivalent of a beer belly?) I do apologize for the harsh measures we have taken. However, what's done is done, you have six black walnut trees here to keep you going through hard times, AND we put out a specialized squirrel feeder for you.
I would now like to address your complete and utter LACK OF GRATITUDE:
(Nice Sophie-butt! She's not as skilled or motivated as Tristan when it comes to squirrel annihilation.)
When someone puts expensive shelled peanuts in a special squirrel feeder, just for you ungrateful rodents, and a freezing rain storm comes along and effectively glues the lid shut, it is simply NOT ON to gnaw an enormous hole through the cedar lid, leaving a large pile of sawdust on the ground.
How many years to you think I am going to have to wait for my husband to craft me a new lid, HMMMM??! They don't call Gordon "Procrastination Man" for nothing, you know. And I liked this feeder. I got it at my favourite birding store in BC, and brought it all the way across Canada with me. Now it is no longer waterproof. On the bright side, the blue jays are pleased since unlike you, they weren't capable of lifting the lid to get at the peanuts inside. Now they can just stick their heads through the hole and chow down.
Squirrels, you suck. You are making me seriously reconsider the peanut purchases. Go sit in your corners and think on that for awhile. And watch out for the Tristanator! He hasn't had a nice squirrel snack in ages.
And if you think it's better INSIDE the house...
Oh! Gee! I wonder who knocked the pot of tulips on the floor while Naomi was JUST PASSING BY? Does anyone know? If anyone finds the culprit, drop me a line.
NAOMI NAOMI NAOMI NAOMI!!!
And after a hard day of knocking dirt all over the place, Naomi curls up on some wool fabric inside my hooking frame. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Must have been that nasty three-legged cat Alex who knocked down the tulips. Never mind that he can't jump more than three inches off the ground. It had to have been him.