Saturday, March 06, 2010

Don't touch me, human!

When we adopted Alex the three-legged kitty from the Cornwall SPCA back in the fall of 2007, he totally sucked us in. The attendant got him out of his cage and handed him over to me, and Alex settled happily into my arms, all love and calm and purring. I gave him to Gordon and it was the same thing: "I love you, human. I'm cuddly. Take me home!" Half an hour later, we left the shelter with a new cat, having initially been there to look at DOGS.

But as soon as Alex got home, his true colours burst out in all their rainbow glory. Because while he is an exceedingly mellow and good-natured cat, (He has never hissed at nor scratched nor bitten us. He saves that for Julius and Naomi.) he has zero interest in being held, whether upside- down or right-side up. If you pick Alex up, he stiffens, he squirms, and he glares silently at you, YOU, the worst piece of human filth littering the sidewalk of the universe. Finally, his disgust becomes so palpable that you have no choice but to release Alex, lest you be charged with animal cruelty.

Unlike me, Gordon never learns. Here he is trying again to cuddle the feline wildebeest...

...and failing miserably!

Note the front paws pushing firmly against Gordon's chin, the stiff rear leg with toes extended. Alex is using every ounce of his kitty body language to show how much he would rather be anywhere but cuddling this revolting humanoid!

Cats. They're so ... SPECIAL.


  1. That . . . *excuse the French* is one fucking scary cat. Please give Gordon a canvas overshirt and eye protection in future.

  2. How refreshing, an independent male, even if he does have attitude, ha ha! How is Alex with the chickens by the way, inquiring minds want to know :)

  3. Once a cat is sure of your heart, it can become supremely independant. Maybe, if you disappear for a few days, it might get purringly closer when you return.

    Brave Gordon! Here's the message (I think): Because I agree to live here doesn't mean you own me. Just fill the food and drink bowls, and let me be."

    We love them, don't we?:)

  4. Yep, I think it is a dominance thing. Alex knows he is king of the hill and laying on his back doesn't fit in with his new view of his status. You have created a kitty monster.

  5. Which is why I'm a dog person.

  6. Ah I know that scene myself. Our little Mimi who died lat year never liked being picked up. She may have been severely disabled but she could squirm and struggle as if she were a tiger!

  7. Anonymous2:31 pm

    Culvey, one of the kittens we rescued from a culvert on our road, had "auditioned" to be an indoor cat much like Alex did with the purring and snuggling. Ha! Another kitty plot to fool the gullible humans! He'll lie on my chest when I'm in bed and briefly sit on my lap when I'm at the computer, but won't let me hold him like a baby as he allowed me to do during the audition process. I guess there really is a sucker born every minute! :)

  8. Chef Nick, Alex is a pussycat, literally and figuratively. But he might gnaw on your action figures.

    Paula, Alex has not met the chickens. He leads mainly an indoor life. However, he has watched them with great interest through the family room window! And yes, he's very independent. Clearly not a human male, ha ha ha!

    Claudia, you are so right. Cats love to mess with your mind. And your message is dead on.

  9. Callie, Alex tries to boss around the other male cat (Julius), and when Julius gets tired of it, he jumps up somewhere high, because poor Alex can't jump very far with his missing hind leg. Alex really tries to be boss!

    Freshisle, dogs definitely need and love you more than cats. And cats look down their noses at dogs!

    Jams, Mimi was something else. It's a shame you lost her so prematurely.

  10. TTPT, nice to know we weren't the only ones sucked in by the "love me, I'm adorable" routine! :)

  11. Yep, Alex is a monster cat.
    But he is adorable and
    he IS a human male.

  12. :) Cats as cats can.

  13. Willie, Alex truly loooooooves you.

    And Sean, I like your pun.


Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!