If it's 39C (102F) with a humidex (a uniquely Canadian term) of 46C (115F), there's lots you can do besides melting into a puddle of grease. That's what happened to my poor friend Eugene in yesterday's blast furnace temps. He is the cheesemaker at Upper Canada Village, and was sweltering over vats of milk-being-turned-into-cheese. Apparently that was not pleasant.
As an alternative to melting into a puddle of grease like my poor friend Eu, here's what you can do to endure a July heatwave in Canada:
1) Go out and look at a bungalow with your mother-in-law. Help her put an offer in it. Go to real estate agent's waterfront home to sign papers after offer is accepted. Cuddle agent's adorable pug! (And yes, my mother-in-law is moving here from Toronto this fall.)
2) Celebrate by drinking VERY COLD BEER: Guinness, breakfast of champions! My mother claimed they used to tell pregnant and breastfeeding women to drink it because it was good for you. I often wonder if my mother drank it while pregnant with me. It would explain a lot!
3) Eat supper at a local pub because it's TOO DAMN HOT to cook in your own kitchen. Try out the local specialty, the Lancaster Perch Roll. Perch, soft white bun, fried onions, and special perch sauce. I have never tried one and probably never will. Perch is not my favourite; I grew up fishing it on beautiful Georgian Bay, where we moored our boat, and I have had eaten enough perch to last me until the end of time.
Gordon and his Mom were braver:
They gave the perch roll two thumbs up!
Me, I preferred the flatbread chicken with chipotle chicken and a bunch of other gooey stuff:
So, if the weather is wretchedly, revoltingly hot (or bitterly cold, or anything in between), you can..
4) Visit Jack's Pub in Williamstown, Ontario. Cool off with a beer and let someone else cook for you. Jack's is about the closest thing I've seen yet to a real English pub, a tradition which has sadly not caught on in this country.
Still hot? You can...
5) Check out the scarecrow dioramas popping up all over Glengarry in advance of the 200th annual Williamstown Fair, August 5 - 7th. I particularly liked this straw-bale tractor!
Still hot? Go bath in a tub full of ice cubes while drinking sangria. And have a great weekend!