Sunday, December 04, 2011

Duck Limerick contest! Enter early, enter often!

DUCK LIMERICK CONTEST!
Don't forget to enter the Knatolee's World Duck Limerick Contest! I want to see LOTS of limericks before the contest ends December 4th!


210 comments:

  1. A young Mandarin duck called Lee
    Invited the Queen to tea
    They ate scones and cakes
    From fine china plates
    In the shade of an old cedar tree

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a lovely limerick, Pear Tree! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. There once were young ducklings who starred,
    In their own video; each was a card,
    Their antics were charming
    Though some times alarming
    "For us" they quacked,"being cute is not hard!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Natalie had some ducks who were terrible
    They all started to become cannibal
    They pecked at each other
    But mainly their brother
    Who's name had to be changed to Hannibal

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey I've just noticed you're into December already! Have you put your month forward instead of your clock?


    There was a young duck called Ronna
    Who had to fight for her honour
    From Charlie to MacGregor
    And even Lord Gaga
    They all tried to jump on her

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  6. You have to (slightly) change the pronunciation of Gaga to make that fit!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ooh I'm on a roll now

    There once was a duck named Squishy
    Who was really rather dishy
    She fell at the feet
    Of Gordon (who is sweet)
    But it all seems rather fishy

    ReplyDelete
  8. A hungry young duck from Nantucket
    Stuck his head in a milk bucket
    His friends had to laugh
    When a cheeky young calf
    Said 'I'm not drinking that now - just chuck it'

    Please block me from seeing this site any more - my head won't stop coming up with 'limericks'. It's driving me mad!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. A confused young duck from Tyree
    Decided to climb a big tree
    Of course he got stuck
    Gave a weedy cluck
    'Won't someone please rescue me'

    Please, save my brain. Ban me!! These limericks keep chugging round my brain.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are you kidding, Pear Tree? No way am I going to stop you! These are GREAT!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Evlyn, AWESOME!

    LBM, you are producing some excellent work here, and I am happy to adjust the pronunciation of "Gaga." The December thing happens because I have to post-date the post to make sure it stays at the top.

    I love your use of the cannibalism aspect! HAHAHA!

    And the Squishy one is so good, I think I should make it into a work of art and hang it on Gordon's office wall... :)

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  12. Pear Tree, you are really eloquent!

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  13. On an omnivorous foodie theme:

    I remember a duck I once knew in Pune
    whose fate came later rather than sooner
    at the hands of a chef gourmand grandee
    who roasted and then soused her in brandy
    and escaped justice on a rather swift schooner.

    or

    There once was a duck called Lucy
    whose thighs were very plump and juicy.
    She spent all of her life
    fleeing the knife
    in the disguise of an indigent goosey.

    or maybe

    There once was a French duck called Goringe
    who was partial to the fruit of the orange
    So he went to live in Florida
    but found there was nothing horrider
    and anyway apples were safer.

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  14. - This thing is both addictive and infectious - my brother, Ian Hutson (see above) has started doing it now!

    An elderly duck called Toast
    Was convinced that he'd seen a ghost
    He quivered and shook
    He read the Good Book
    Sold up and moved to the coast


    A tough-talking duck called Paul
    Got involved in a bar-room brawl
    He reached for his gun
    And set it to 'stun'
    So no ducklings were harmed at all

    ReplyDelete
  15. Elaine of PTLog asked me to lower the tone, if possible, so here goes:

    Once upon a time a rather short duck
    was reversing his rather wide truck
    when he suffered terrible explosive flatus
    resulting in a certain sudden hernial hiatus
    and filling his wide truck with duck muck.

    ReplyDelete
  16. There once lived a duck at the Rowe's
    Who wandered wherever he chose
    He went here and there
    To Natalie's despair
    So she chopped off all of his toes

    ReplyDelete
  17. A fat little duck called Jess
    Played really intelligent chess
    She'd happily sing
    While losing her King
    Then take her opponent's Queen Bess

    ReplyDelete
  18. There once was a sad little duck
    Who thought she was all out of luck
    To try and fit in
    With the hens, was a sin
    So what if she couldn't cluck?


    and

    A duck named Eugenia did hatch
    The cutest ducklings in a batch
    From small balls of fluff
    They grew just enough
    And now they're the best on the patch

    ReplyDelete
  19. A sad little duck had a pout
    When someone else ate his trout
    He settled for chips
    And took cheering sips
    From a lovely big glass of stout


    ...Knatolee, please release me, let me go...

    ReplyDelete
  20. There once was a duck with a plight
    For he was afraid of flight
    To be in the sky
    Way up so high
    Would surely fill him with fright

    ReplyDelete
  21. A sexy young gosling called Fred
    Tried to lure Clara to bed
    Her parents found out
    And gave him a clout
    Now he's wooing a Mallard instead

    ReplyDelete
  22. I thought I'd just done this but it's not showing up.

    There was a young duck from Quebec
    Who had a very long neck
    He tied it in a knot
    But then he forgot
    And found that he couldn't peck

    ReplyDelete
  23. LBM, I found the first "Quebec" limerick in my blogger spam folder! Maybe it didn't like the word "peck".. hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  24. You people are AMAZING!!!! I shall clearly be awarding more than one prize in this contest. I am so impressed!

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  25. The first time Knatolee went home
    And found her ducks using the phone
    She had a big grin
    'Til the bill came in
    Now she's having to take out a loan

    ReplyDelete
  26. There once was a duck called Campbell
    Who went for a very long amble
    He walked into town
    In his long black gown
    And called at the bookies for a gamble

    ReplyDelete
  27. There once was a duck from Dundee
    Who needed to go for a pee
    The toilets were shut
    So he went in the hut
    With which the other ducks didn't agree

    ReplyDelete
  28. There once was a duck from Sheffield
    Who's eggs gave a very good yield
    She laid every day
    And asked for no pay
    Except to have a grape peeled

    ReplyDelete
  29. There once was a little mouse who was blue
    From thinking of duck limericks, it's true
    They went round in her head
    But she needed her bed
    And will be back tomorrow with new

    ReplyDelete
  30. A handsome young Abacot Ranger
    Put himself into some danger
    He went to the vet's
    (small animals, pets)
    And fell deeply in love with a stranger


    A flirtatious gander called Ben
    Started an affair with a hen
    He showed her his knees
    She melted like cheese
    But he married a good duck instead

    ReplyDelete
  31. Knatolee and Gordon's farm
    Is a place where ducks learn charm
    They sing and they play
    have a musical day
    Protected from hunters and harm

    ReplyDelete
  32. A miserly spendthrift called Nate
    Charges his ducks when they're late
    When the pond froze
    Ice pinched their toes
    He charged them a dollar to skate!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Knatolee - Sorry, I sent off my nocturnal ramblings in draft form - could you allow me a correction, please?

    It's for the one about flirtatious gander, Ben - the final line should read:

    'But he married a good duck called Jen'

    ReplyDelete
  34. Natalie I think you ought to put a restriction on entries - can I suggest no more than 500 per person? ;)

    There was a duck named MacGregor
    Who's reputation was mega
    Most ladies adored him
    But Eugenia ignored him
    He's never been able to bed her


    There was a young duck from Poole
    Who was always acting the fool
    He did silly walks
    And juggled with forks
    The other ducks thought he was cool

    ReplyDelete
  35. There was a plump duck from Dorset
    Who couldn't fit in her corset
    She tried breathing in
    And trying to be thin
    But ended up having to force it

    ReplyDelete
  36. A duckling called Amy went weak
    Seeing a reflection of her beak
    "I can't show my face
    Around this place
    I look like a total freak"

    ReplyDelete
  37. There were lots of ducks on Nat's farm
    But their diet was filled with alarm
    They had their routine
    Of eating Poutine
    Surely it would do them some harm?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Ian, what can I say? Your poetry is spectacular! And I was glad to see some lowering of the tone. Last summer, my Hen Haiku contest sank into debauchery!

    ReplyDelete
  39. This morning, Gordon sat with me and read all of these out loud to him. Who knew I had so many gifted poets amongst my readers? I suspect I shall be mailing prizes to the UK when this is all said and done...

    LBM, no limit on entries! I love getting up every day and having new limericks to read, although I keep spitting tea on my keyboard, which is not helpful...

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  40. Little Blue Mouse, BONUS POINTS for the inclusion of poutine in your poem!!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. No limit eh? You may be snowed under with entries from PTL and myself by next month!
    Speaking of which

    There once was a duck from Nepal
    Who had a most terrible fall
    She broke both her legs
    And all of her eggs
    And then couldn't go to the ball


    An evil old duck from the East
    Invited all to a feast
    He murdered them all
    From short to tall
    And ate them all up, the beast

    ReplyDelete
  42. A chubby young duckling called Jim
    Decided to try and get slim
    He worked on his abs
    Got rid of the flabs
    And now he's learning to swim

    ReplyDelete
  43. Are you kiddin'? Keep 'em coming, LBM!

    ReplyDelete
  44. PTL, if only my three-legged cat would take that health advice...

    ReplyDelete
  45. There once was a duck with portfolio, Who despaired at the Dow Jones imbroglio.
    He cried, "If I buy stocks
    From the Kochs and the Sachs,
    Does it mean that I, too, have no soul-io?!

    (Pardon me. I have a bit of an obsession going with #OWS.)

    ReplyDelete
  46. There was a fat duck named Bill
    Who always ate his fill
    One day in a hurry
    He ordered a curry
    But regretted it when he became ill


    There once was a duck from Bolivia
    Who's name was Violet Olivia
    Someone did say
    Are you here for the day?
    "Of course not" she replied "I live here"


    A duck flying high overhead
    Dropped a dollop on Gordon's head
    He looked up in shock
    As the rest of the flock
    Took aim, and filled him with dread

    ReplyDelete
  47. Hannibal Duck had no teeth,
    Said "Thee how my pin feather bleedth."
    Amy said, "You taste nice!"
    And he yelled, "Jethuth Chritht!
    Thomebody call the po-leeth!"

    ReplyDelete
  48. There once was a duck from Newquay
    Who loved to be by the sea
    When he wasn't surfing
    He could be found turfing
    He was a gardener you see

    ReplyDelete
  49. CogDis, I'll be sending you another dry-cleaning bill for my peed-on office chair seat again... I read that one out loud to Gordon and scared the dogs with my laughter.

    And Little Blue Mouse, you are ON FIRE!! You go, limerick girl!

    ReplyDelete
  50. A straight-laced duck lived next door
    To a pimp and a second class whore
    When she complained
    Of the noise that they made
    They said "Come on don't be a bore"

    ReplyDelete
  51. There once was a common merganser
    Who, asked for a date, wouldn't answer.
    Till a frustrated wigeon renounced his religion
    And hollered, "at least let me pants her."

    ReplyDelete
  52. There once lived a duck in Surrey
    Who had to leave in a hurry
    All her money was spent
    Was behind with the rent
    So she rushed off all in a flurry


    A big strapping drake did confess
    That in secret he liked to crossdress
    He did it at night
    Without any light
    So his make up was always a mess

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  53. There once was a duck from Glengarry
    Who desperately wanted to marry
    The drakes all declined
    So she was inclined
    To take her chances with Clarry

    ReplyDelete
  54. Gordon the Duck, an exceptional host
    World renowned for making good toast
    Spread it with butter
    Shaped with a cutter
    Then awarded prizes for eating the most!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Georgiana, Duckess of Devonshire
    Campaigned for Fox Whig in the Shire
    She gave away kisses
    To men, not misses
    With her eyes igniting their desire

    ReplyDelete
  56. There once was a duck from Vancouver
    Who was a great little mover
    He did his very best
    At the dance contest
    And won the trophy for best groover

    ReplyDelete
  57. There once lived a duck with Natalie
    Who was not getting on at all happily
    He packed up his bags
    Said goodbye to the lads
    And headed for Greater Napanee

    ReplyDelete
  58. A young Eider duck called Ned
    Ate crustaceans and molluscs, it's said
    He grew fat and fearless
    Hunted, grew careless
    Now he's a quilt on my bed!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Murr, NICE WORK finding rhymes for "widgeon" and "merganser!" I am very impressed. :)

    ReplyDelete
  60. Pear Tree, Gordon is very impressed that you included him and toast in a limerick. And did you know I have a chicken named Georgiana Duchess of Devonshire?

    ReplyDelete
  61. LBM, I have spent an inordinate amount of time in Napanee and I can tell you that it is NOT GREAT.:) BUt bonus points for your excellence use of Canadian towns and cities in today's limericks!

    You ladies get a lot done before I'm even out of bed in the morning. Of course, being on Greenwich Mean Time helps...

    ReplyDelete
  62. I think that duck might be a bit disappointed when he gets there!


    There was a vile duck from the border
    Who's manners were well out of order
    She cursed and she swore
    And spat on the floor
    No wonder everyone abhorred her

    ReplyDelete
  63. There was a duck in the Bahamas
    Who always wore his pyjamas
    Something he loathes
    Is buying new clothes
    Everyone thinks he's bananas

    ReplyDelete
  64. A Muscovy duck named Irene
    Had a caruncle of bright green
    It's also true
    That her beak was blue
    Oh what a sight to be seen

    ReplyDelete
  65. An opera singer called Marty
    Was invited to sing at Duck's party
    Love blossomed, and died
    When he took Duck aside
    She learned that he was castrati

    ReplyDelete
  66. There was a young duck in his teens
    Who loved to dine on baked beans
    But then the chump
    Let out a trump
    And blew everyone to smithereens

    ReplyDelete
  67. Tina Turner was down at the farm
    With Penelope, Henrietta and Charm
    With tail feathers curled
    They spun and they twirled
    Then high-tailed it back to the barn

    ReplyDelete
  68. There once was a duck from Korea
    Who went out for his very first beer
    Trying to be butch
    He drank way too much
    And ended with raging diarrhoea

    ReplyDelete
  69. There once was a duck unaware
    She was being stalked by a bear
    When she turned around
    Her heart gave a pound
    As she offered up a quick prayer

    ReplyDelete
  70. Reggie the duck was a lout
    Of this there was no doubt
    He got his kicks
    From frightening the chicks
    Until their mother gave him a clout

    ReplyDelete
  71. Eugenia the duck took a shine
    To a new drake who looked so fine
    But what a mistake
    This was no drake
    But a dirty great porcupine

    ReplyDelete
  72. Pear Tree, the hens are beyond impressed that you know their names!! (Me too!)

    ReplyDelete
  73. LBM, I am very much enjoying this morning's submissions as I eat a fresh poached egg on toast. Despite the fact that I was eating when I read it, I'm amazed you found a rhyme for "diarrhea"! ANd I am impressed that you worked in the local animals (porcupines and bears!) We have lots of porcupines but there is also the occasional black bear sighting around here.

    ReplyDelete
  74. The ducks on the farm have just latterly
    Taken to having breakfast with Natalie
    Eggs they won't eat
    But toast is a treat
    And they eat it all up so happily

    ReplyDelete
  75. A duck and a goose made merry
    With Knatolee's bottle of sherry
    They dabbled and quacked
    Found snails and snacked
    Hitched a ride back on the ferry

    ReplyDelete
  76. Out on her rounds one morning
    A duck goosed Natalie with no warning
    Then to her alarm
    He set about her arm
    And sent all the bees a swarming

    ReplyDelete
  77. Knatolee found a pink duck
    She was filthy, covered in muck
    She bathed her in bubbles
    Gave lots of cuddles
    Then read her a bedtime book.

    ReplyDelete
  78. A Runner duck and his best mate
    Decided to enter a race
    They trained together
    In all kinds of weather
    And finished in joint second place

    ReplyDelete
  79. A duck named Charlie Sheen
    Was a veritable sex machine
    He didn't give a care
    If they had feathers or hair
    He really was quite obscene

    ReplyDelete
  80. There was a Mom-duck from Glengarry,
    Whose defense of her brood was quite scary;
    She said "Get away from my young
    Or I'll rip out a lung
    And send you off to the infirmary.

    ReplyDelete
  81. A Welsh duck scared local farmers
    While walking his dogs, in his 'jamas
    Badgers said "Hi"
    Gave him the eye
    While stealing his grain and bananas

    With apologies to Going Gently - hey who am I kidding? With thanks to him for having such a funny experience!

    ReplyDelete
  82. There was a young duck from the West
    Who was the runt of the nest
    He took gym classes
    And ate his molasses
    And now he's as good as the rest

    ReplyDelete
  83. Ronna-duck went to the city
    But found her feathers got gritty
    When she came home
    She borrowed a comb
    While splashing and singing a ditty

    ReplyDelete
  84. A large group of English Muffs
    With the ducks came to fisticuffs
    There was such a fight
    The ducks all took flight
    And retreated to Georgian Bluffs

    ReplyDelete
  85. A duck took a trip to the lake
    Where it met a friendly snake
    "Will you join me for lunch?
    There's plenty to munch
    And to finish a home made cake"

    ReplyDelete
  86. There once was a duck from Calcutta
    Who was often heard to mutter
    Very strange things
    About jellyfish and slings
    He really was quite a nutter

    ReplyDelete
  87. Pear Tree, I love the inclusion of JOhn in your limerick!

    ReplyDelete
  88. Evlyn, you have captured Mama-duck's personality and intentions PERFECTLY!

    ladies, you have all made EXCELLENT submissions this morning. Little Blue Mouse, if you want to include some Canadiana, I grew up near the Scarborough Bluffs (sadly, Scarborough, Ontario is CONSIDERABLY Uglier than Scarborough, England!!!)

    ReplyDelete
  89. My husband was my best friend
    'Til I drove him round the bend
    When the limericks started
    Friendship departed
    No more limericks, The End!

    ReplyDelete
  90. A musical duck from Ontario
    Loved music, especially Berlioz
    He plays with one hand
    On a baby grand
    Began lessons barely a year ago!


    ...could I stop limericking, Of course not!

    ReplyDelete
  91. When Natalie sought to inspire us
    She planted a nasty virus
    Now my poor brain
    Can't take the strain
    I'm waiting for her to retire us.

    ReplyDelete
  92. A lovestruck young drake from Fife
    Carved in a tree with his knife
    "Drake MacGregor
    Loves Natalie Forever"
    Then asked her to be his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Ha ha PTL, it's so hard to resist!


    There once was a duck with a talent
    Which wasn't at first apparent
    If she touched her toes
    Whilst holding her nose
    She played the "1812" from her vent

    ReplyDelete
  94. There lived a timid duck in Brighton
    That the other ducks all would frighten
    They told him stories
    With lots of gories
    Until his little face would whiten

    ReplyDelete
  95. Growing up in the Scarborough Bluffs
    Natalie would dream of English muffs
    They're hens you'll learn
    (She's not on the turn)
    And anyhow now ducks are enough

    ReplyDelete
  96. On one quiet day in the run
    The hens were basking in the sun
    The ducks were all sitting
    Doing their knitting
    Making hats and scarves for everyone

    ReplyDelete
  97. Natalie had a duck spa
    Which was famous near and far
    Warren did sing
    "I've broke my wing
    just what I need, hurrah!"

    ReplyDelete
  98. There once was a duck from Geneva
    Who woke with a terrible fever
    He had a hot toddy
    Which made him less groggy
    And filled him with joie de vivre

    ReplyDelete
  99. A duck from Lennox County
    Trained to be a Mounty
    He was top notch
    No mission did botch
    And always got his bounty

    ReplyDelete
  100. Pear Tree and Little Blue Mouse, you are both on a magnificent roll! But I won't retire you!

    Where to begin? I love the inclusion of Warren and the duck spa, the English muffs and the Scarborough Bluffs (the muffs prefer to hang with the ducks anyway and are honorary ducks), 1812 Overture, the marriage proposal from MacGregor... on and on it goes! Amazing limericks! :)

    ReplyDelete
  101. While the ducklings were snoring and napping
    The ducks were quacking and flapping
    For there in their house
    Was Little Blue Mouse
    Re-booting her laptop and tapping!

    Apologies to LBM, I just couldn't resist the image!

    ReplyDelete
  102. A duckling was rushed to the vet
    After puffing on a cigarette
    He turned so green
    From the nicotine
    That's a lesson he'll never forget

    ReplyDelete
  103. Pear Tree, bonus points for including Little Blue Mouse in your limerick!

    Speaking of mice, we found one drowned in the ducks' water bucket yesterday... :(

    ReplyDelete
  104. One November was unusually warm
    It really was not the norm
    The hens went a-dating
    The ducks started mating
    And the bees began to swarm


    Gordon and a young duckling
    Were doing the Highland Fling
    They danced 'cross the floor
    And out through the door
    And were never seen ag'in

    ReplyDelete
  105. A Muscovy duck called Charlie
    Often got lost in the barley
    They called out his name
    Usually in vain
    'Cos Charlie was cuddling Carly

    An artistic duck called Rosie
    Wore a ring in her nose, and a posy
    She took up a brush
    Gave it a push
    And painted a Muscovy's nosey

    ReplyDelete
  106. When a duck spat in Chef's eye
    He resolved to make a pie
    He chased duck around
    Duck couldn't be found
    So Chef opened a tin, with a sigh

    ReplyDelete
  107. A horse-riding duck from Texas
    Abandoned her horse for a Lexus
    She quickly drove to a farm
    Did horse-vaulting with charm
    And was one of the best chicken sexers

    ReplyDelete
  108. I have to admit a great liking
    For vegetarian duck - 'The Viking'
    He is tall and engaging
    Conversation's wide ranging
    Can be seen on The Wolds, push-biking

    ReplyDelete
  109. There once was a very young smew
    Who the other ducks did pursue
    They made her life hell
    Till she grew unwell
    And made her escape by canoe

    ReplyDelete
  110. A middle-aged duck lost some feathers
    When rolling around in the heathers
    Heather got up
    Drank wine from a cup
    Rode off on a Harley, in leathers

    ReplyDelete
  111. There once was a duck from Nantucket
    Who found a dead mouse in her bucket
    The water was needed
    And she succeeded
    By using a straw to suck it

    ReplyDelete
  112. There once was a duck called Luke
    Who was married to a coot
    When their offspring were hatched
    They looked a bit mismatched
    But they were oh so cute

    ReplyDelete
  113. A dog and a duck went to sea
    Just to see what they could see
    They wore life preservers
    Thought 'Lord don't desert us!'
    While calling for Natalie

    ReplyDelete
  114. An exotic duck called Shu Hans
    Owned some Le Creuset Pans
    She knew how to cook
    Without aid of a book
    'Cos learnt what she knew at her Mam's

    ReplyDelete
  115. A beautiful duck named Dilly
    Was thought to be rather silly
    She flexed and she strained
    Rigorously trained
    Now she's pole-dancing in Caerphilly

    ReplyDelete
  116. Ladies, I can't keep up with your magnificence! LBM, Gordon wore a kilt to our wedding but fortunately he restrained himself while dancing. No highland flings! :)

    Pear Tree, I had to go look up "smew"! What beautiful ducks. WE don't seem to have them in Canada, as far as I can tell but I'll do further research.

    ReplyDelete
  117. There once was a duck named Ellie
    Who fell for the chef at the deli
    When once in a while
    He gave her a smile
    Her knees would turn to jelly

    ReplyDelete
  118. LBM, love the reference to this week's mouse-drowning catastrophe! :)

    ReplyDelete
  119. These are so great! Who knew you could write a limerick about a duck pole-daning in Caerphilly?!!

    ReplyDelete
  120. There was a young duck called Jill
    Who had a very unusual bill.
    It was for thirty-one shillings,
    from a duck dentist, for drillings
    (Not including scale, polish & fill).

    ReplyDelete
  121. I remember a lively young duck called Janus,
    who had a preternaturally loud anus.
    He could fart like a trumpet
    you could like it or lump it,
    but his recitals were always most heinous.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Natalie thought she would be a hit
    If she took the ducks out for a bit
    But how inopportune
    To go to Alfred lagoon
    They quacked "This is a load of shit"

    ReplyDelete
  123. Warren was a little bemused
    When Amy stoutly refused
    To give him a kiss
    She said with a hiss
    "Go away, I'm gender-confused"

    ReplyDelete
  124. There once was a duck called Mike
    Who went for a ride on a bike
    But he hit a stone
    And was immediately thrown
    Over the handle bars into a dike

    ReplyDelete
  125. There was a fat duck named Kate
    Who ate up all the cake
    And the bread and cheese
    And all that she sees
    And now she's got bellyache

    ReplyDelete
  126. There once was a duck called Susie
    Who was a bit of a floozy
    Cockerel or drake
    Gecko or snake
    She wasn't at all choosy

    ReplyDelete
  127. Knatolee, the tone of this page needs more lowering. Accrdingly,

    A Limerick

    A turkey, a chicken and duck in
    the barn decided to f--k in
    the sweet smelling hay
    in a clandestine way
    and now they resemble turducken.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Natalie's cultured ducks incline
    To a palate both clear and fine
    But Gordon got cross
    When he heard 'the boss'
    Order them a case of fine wine

    ReplyDelete
  129. Natalie sweet-talked her hubby
    Into kidnapping Pedro & Buddy
    So now they roam
    Round the ducks home
    Making out and getting muddy

    ReplyDelete
  130. A silly young duck named Holly
    Went out in the rain with a brolly
    The others did laugh
    At this stupid gaffe
    'Cos she looked like a proper wally

    ReplyDelete
  131. Pedro and Buddy threatened the fabric of Society
    when they teamed up together in impropriety.
    Though they'd civil partnered to each other for life
    they were both forcibly given a lady-penguin as wife,
    thus preserving Public safety, zoo-keeper modesty, and piety.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Andreferee5:37 pm

    Eh... do these entries get accepted when they have been put in the wrong place by people who didn't follow the link but commented on the post containing the link?

    There once was a bunch of blog fools
    who just couldn't follow the rules
    they posted their phrases
    in all the wrong places
    like dunces in corners at schools

    ReplyDelete
  133. There once was an entry by Andreferee
    who lived her life so perfectlee
    that once she'd got over herself
    she crawled back on the shelf
    before anyone took her comments seriouslee...

    ReplyDelete
  134. There once was a bunch of blog fools
    who didn't give a fig for the rules.
    We were all rather frantic,
    not nearly quite so pedantic:
    very few of us went to nerd skools.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Ducks, ducks, damn it - I forgot the ducks!

    Our match referee, she was a real duck.
    A little older; I'd say post nip and tuck.
    But she wore her strict rulebook like armour,
    might have lived longer, if she'd been calmer,
    and just trusted to the Judges, and luck.

    ReplyDelete
  136. An adventurous young duck bought a Ferrari.
    Took to loafing around a lot, drinking Campari.
    Went to some very strange clubs,
    one or two swish ex-pat pubs,
    and ended up driving around Delhi in a Sari

    ReplyDelete
  137. I wish that my duck hunting days in Poonah
    had ended much later rather than sooner.
    We shot cannon from elephant howdah,
    sent servants to fetch more gun powdah,
    and then trampled the old garden pruner.

    ReplyDelete
  138. There once was a duck named Louisa
    Who farted if anyone did squeeze her
    Most drakes stayed clear
    Just one showed no fear
    He had no sense of smell in his sneezer

    ReplyDelete
  139. Andreferee, we are not particularly strict here at Knatolee's World (that would be the royal "we") so OF COURSE your lovely entry counts. however, if you do win a prize you are going to have to give me some way to get in touch with you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  140. You guys are KILLING me this morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  141. I do have one rule that must be adhered to: if you don't have "duck" or some reference to that species (I don't care if you don't use the actual word "duck") in your limerick, you are disqualified from prizes. But I will still be happy to see your limerick! So, Owl Wood, the duck-free limericks won't get you far, but you've submitted so many hilarious duck-laden ones that I don't think it's going to hurt your chances one bit. :)

    ReplyDelete
  142. Owl Wood, the "Poonah" limerick is oh-so-colonial. LOVE it! Especially since I had some English great-grandfather who toddled off to India for a spell. :)

    ReplyDelete
  143. Or better perhaps to say "Oh so the-sun-never-set-on-the-British-Empire"!

    ReplyDelete
  144. LBM, LOVE the farting duck submission (figures; I have no class!) Hahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  145. We will also overlook spelling and grammatical errors, just so long as the limerick is of excellent quality! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  146. And I adore the Pedro & Buddy limericks, I grew up in Toronto and when the zoo opened in 1974, my school raised funds for several animal purchases. My grade bought a flying squirrel! (COuldn't have been very expensive, since they are native to this area.) I am appalled at their interference in the Pedro-Buddy bromance!

    ReplyDelete
  147. Okay, I don't think I've commented on the anus/Janus/trumpet fart limerick. I truly appreciate the tone-lowering once again, Owl Wood.

    And HWB, you too have done a splendid job of bringing things down a notch. Those British women are just much too classy! ;)))

    ReplyDelete
  148. it's hard to keep you with the comments! But I also loved Pear Tree's "gender-confused" remark. STill more bonus points to you for knowing my ducks so well. Maybe the next contest will be "Name the duck I thought was a boy but is actually a girl!"

    ReplyDelete
  149. LBM, the gecko thanks you for remembering her!

    ReplyDelete
  150. Owl Wood's limericks did not qualify
    As Natalie this morning did verify
    Just one cotton picking minute
    Andreferees entry had no ducks in it
    So surely that is also a disqualify?

    ReplyDelete
  151. Convinced that Muscovy-talk is not babble
    Gordon got the ducks an education - a dabble
    He paid their school fees
    And held spelling bees
    Now they're World Champions of Scrabble

    ReplyDelete
  152. Oh I was thinking your gecko was a boy. Still I don't think that would bother Susie!

    ReplyDelete
  153. There was a young duck who was grumpy
    His mood was all horrid and lumpy
    He went to the vet
    Who said "Right, get set
    We'll soon sort you out with some pumpy"

    ReplyDelete
  154. There was a posh duck named Alice
    Who's coop was just like a palace
    She had cake stands in tiers
    Crystal chandeliers
    And drank her water from a chalice

    ReplyDelete
  155. A duck was placed in quarantine
    After events that were unforeseen
    It was her siblings endeavours
    To eat her pin feathers
    "Well we heard they were full of protein"

    ReplyDelete
  156. Andreferee12:27 pm

    There once was a man (not) called Andreferee
    Who was alarmed when Owl Wood assumed he was a laydee
    Though his words were in jest
    he now thinks it is best
    to desist in his work as a referee

    ReplyDelete
  157. Warren came to a grisly end
    When he went to stay with a 'friend'
    From cannibal to vampire
    They did all conspire
    And he was never seen again

    ReplyDelete
  158. LBM, you have a point. I may have to create a special "Gay Penguin Romance" category just for Owl Woods!!!

    ReplyDelete
  159. Gordon really likes it when you include him in limericks! :D

    ReplyDelete
  160. LBM, the gecko doesn't mind if we confuse her gender! :)

    ReplyDelete
  161. Pear Tree, I don't think I could afford to keep that Alice duck in the style to which she has become accustomed!

    LBM, LOVED the protein/pinfeathers limerick!! HAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  162. Andreferee, don't leave! I shall miss you! Is that "And Referee" or "Andre Feree"? Ooo la la!

    ReplyDelete
  163. A duck was taken to jail
    For eating pin feathers from the frail
    Gordon was ace
    At fighting her case
    And managed to get her bail

    ReplyDelete
  164. A young duck named Andre Fur-ee
    once invited the vicar to tea.
    They discussed existentials
    and rules, supplementals
    and worried us so needlessly...

    One fine day in the middle of the night
    two dead ducks had a terrible fright
    when back to back they each got roasted,
    boiled, microwaved, steamed and then toasted
    (until cook got the old recipe just right).

    ReplyDelete
  165. A duck whilst out for a walk
    And was taken by a hawk
    The others showed surprise
    At his sudden demise
    But all they could do was gawk

    ReplyDelete
  166. A duck ate a caterpillar
    Which very nearly did kill her
    It turned into a moth
    Which made her tummy froth
    And certainly didn't thrill her

    ReplyDelete
  167. The ducks queued up in the canteen
    Waiting to get their poutine
    Then they saw Gordon's toast
    Which was the most
    Wonderful thing they had ever seen

    ReplyDelete
  168. She tried to get in Gordon's good books
    By mentioning him and his good looks
    And it can't do any harm
    To allude to his charm
    And of course she didn't forget the ducks

    ReplyDelete
  169. LBM, Gordon will be voting for your limericks, I'm sure. :)))

    ReplyDelete
  170. And funny you should mention hawks, since a red-tailed hawk was flying over our fields yesterday, shrieking away. The ducks never like that!

    ReplyDelete
  171. Owl WOods, I can't imagine that those ducks were very tasty after all the boiling and roasting and toasting!!!

    ReplyDelete
  172. Out for a quiet stroll one evening
    Two ducks saw a very strange thing
    A door was flung wide
    And a mouse flew outside
    Natalie's got quite a swing

    ReplyDelete
  173. There once was a duck named Matt
    Who fell into a cider vat
    In order not to drown
    He drank it all down
    And was never the same after that

    ReplyDelete
  174. A duck was out with her beau
    For the very first time in the snow
    She had so much fun
    Built a snowduck for her Mum
    Lots of snowballs they did throw

    ReplyDelete
  175. La vie beau hen

    There once was a duck named Eugenia
    Who suffered from hypoglycemia -
    Her diet was changed,
    Her work-outs free-ranged -
    She now leads a life of Bohemia.

    ReplyDelete
  176. A duck named Charlie Sheen
    Was as handsome as any to be seen
    He was the perfect date
    Had a G S O H
    And really was quite a dream

    ReplyDelete
  177. Heartily sick of his own feathers
    MacGregor said he wanted some leathers
    He desired a bike
    Or he'd call a strike
    Refuse to go out in all weathers

    ReplyDelete
  178. There once was a duck called Imelda
    Who turned the stomach of all who smelled her
    Neither old dead fish
    Nor rotting rubbish
    Were as bad as the smell of Imelda

    ReplyDelete
  179. A duck full of whiskey was gay,
    And decided a robber to play.
    He boasted aloud
    To those in the crowd,
    "I'll quack open the safe,and
    wad all the bills faraway."

    ReplyDelete
  180. Three little ducks liked to play
    Paddling and dabbling all day
    When evening fell
    Mum rang a bell
    They'd eat hearty and then hit the hay

    ReplyDelete
  181. As the weather was very cold
    Warren said she had to be told
    They wanted pyjamas
    Or else there'd be dramas
    And QUICKLY, before it snowed!


    When Natalie threw a big party
    Eugenia's girls dressed a bit tarty
    They sang and danced
    While Charlie danced
    (But his bottom was a little bit *arty)

    ReplyDelete
  182. A duck bought herself a car
    For she wanted to travel afar
    She studied her maps
    Planned the route to the max
    And left with an "Au revoir"

    ReplyDelete
  183. The duck nearly went into orbit
    When Natalie found her sore bit
    So using a glove
    Gently, with love
    Nat carefully anointed the raw bit


    With apologies to Natalie for truncating her name.

    ReplyDelete
  184. There once was a duck named Tina
    Who longed to be a ballerina
    But her arabesque
    Looked quite grotesque
    She just didn't have the right demeanor

    ReplyDelete
  185. A duckling was playing in water
    Splashing about more than she ought-er
    By the time she had finished
    The water had diminished
    Leaving hardly enough for a saucer

    ReplyDelete
  186. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with responding to your wonderful limericks the past few days, but I read them every morning and LOVE them! And you may truncate my name as much as you want. :)

    ReplyDelete
  187. There once was a duck named Rick
    Who had been feeling very sick
    After studying his motions
    The Quack gave him potions
    Which seemed to do the trick

    ReplyDelete
  188. Keep 'em coming, O Brilliant Ones!

    ReplyDelete
  189. There once was a duck called Abby
    Who always was so shabby
    Her feathers were grubby
    Her beak was stubby
    And her legs were spotty and scabby

    ReplyDelete
  190. A duckling said to his brother
    "We have to help each other
    If our pin feathers we peck
    Natalie will check
    And we'll get time in the spa, no bother"

    ReplyDelete
  191. LBM, apparently two of the ducks wanted a spa treatment today. They are segregated in the (warm) garage. The feather-picking is driving me nuts! But I love the limericks!

    ReplyDelete
  192. There lived an amorous duckling named Nell,
    Spent all her days in a love spell.
    On the stars made a wish,
    Her love moved forward for a kiss.
    Swooned so hard that she fell down the well.

    ReplyDelete
  193. Snow fell down and water froze
    Ducks stand still and misery shows
    Natalie knits
    Hats, Scarves and Mitts
    Then invites the ducks to warm their toes

    ReplyDelete
  194. When the snow began to fall
    MacGregor wasn't pleased at all
    He stamped his feet
    Called out for heat
    Warm food, warm water, shawls for all!

    ReplyDelete
  195. Kristin, marvellous! We have a well in the old milkhouse attached to our barn, and the ducks might very well fall down it. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  196. Elaine, I draw the line at knitting for my ducks, ha ha!! Spa days are enough. :)

    ReplyDelete
  197. And Elaine, really nice work working in the snow aspect in your latest limerick.

    ReplyDelete
  198. When MacGregor developed a chilblain
    He shouted that he would complain
    To HSC
    Just wait and see
    Natalie sent him to Spain, on a plane

    ReplyDelete
  199. When Natalie went out to see
    What the ducklings fancied for tea
    They all wanted bread
    With a fishy spread
    Washed down with juice of kiwi

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!