A young Mandarin duck called LeeInvited the Queen to teaThey ate scones and cakesFrom fine china platesIn the shade of an old cedar tree
What a lovely limerick, Pear Tree! Thank you!
There once were young ducklings who starred,In their own video; each was a card, Their antics were charmingThough some times alarming"For us" they quacked,"being cute is not hard!"
Natalie had some ducks who were terribleThey all started to become cannibalThey pecked at each otherBut mainly their brotherWho's name had to be changed to Hannibal
Hey I've just noticed you're into December already! Have you put your month forward instead of your clock?There was a young duck called RonnaWho had to fight for her honourFrom Charlie to MacGregorAnd even Lord GagaThey all tried to jump on her
You have to (slightly) change the pronunciation of Gaga to make that fit!
Ooh I'm on a roll nowThere once was a duck named SquishyWho was really rather dishyShe fell at the feetOf Gordon (who is sweet)But it all seems rather fishy
A hungry young duck from NantucketStuck his head in a milk bucketHis friends had to laughWhen a cheeky young calfSaid 'I'm not drinking that now - just chuck it'Please block me from seeing this site any more - my head won't stop coming up with 'limericks'. It's driving me mad!!!
A confused young duck from TyreeDecided to climb a big treeOf course he got stuckGave a weedy cluck'Won't someone please rescue me'Please, save my brain. Ban me!! These limericks keep chugging round my brain.
Are you kidding, Pear Tree? No way am I going to stop you! These are GREAT!!
Evlyn, AWESOME!LBM, you are producing some excellent work here, and I am happy to adjust the pronunciation of "Gaga." The December thing happens because I have to post-date the post to make sure it stays at the top.I love your use of the cannibalism aspect! HAHAHA!And the Squishy one is so good, I think I should make it into a work of art and hang it on Gordon's office wall... :)
Pear Tree, you are really eloquent!
On an omnivorous foodie theme:I remember a duck I once knew in Punewhose fate came later rather than soonerat the hands of a chef gourmand grandeewho roasted and then soused her in brandyand escaped justice on a rather swift schooner.orThere once was a duck called Lucywhose thighs were very plump and juicy.She spent all of her lifefleeing the knifein the disguise of an indigent goosey.or maybeThere once was a French duck called Goringewho was partial to the fruit of the orangeSo he went to live in Floridabut found there was nothing horriderand anyway apples were safer.
- This thing is both addictive and infectious - my brother, Ian Hutson (see above) has started doing it now!An elderly duck called ToastWas convinced that he'd seen a ghostHe quivered and shookHe read the Good BookSold up and moved to the coastA tough-talking duck called PaulGot involved in a bar-room brawlHe reached for his gunAnd set it to 'stun'So no ducklings were harmed at all
Elaine of PTLog asked me to lower the tone, if possible, so here goes:Once upon a time a rather short duckwas reversing his rather wide truckwhen he suffered terrible explosive flatusresulting in a certain sudden hernial hiatusand filling his wide truck with duck muck.
There once lived a duck at the Rowe'sWho wandered wherever he choseHe went here and thereTo Natalie's despairSo she chopped off all of his toes
A fat little duck called JessPlayed really intelligent chessShe'd happily singWhile losing her KingThen take her opponent's Queen Bess
There once was a sad little duckWho thought she was all out of luckTo try and fit inWith the hens, was a sinSo what if she couldn't cluck?andA duck named Eugenia did hatchThe cutest ducklings in a batchFrom small balls of fluffThey grew just enoughAnd now they're the best on the patch
A sad little duck had a poutWhen someone else ate his troutHe settled for chipsAnd took cheering sipsFrom a lovely big glass of stout...Knatolee, please release me, let me go...
There once was a duck with a plightFor he was afraid of flightTo be in the skyWay up so highWould surely fill him with fright
A sexy young gosling called FredTried to lure Clara to bedHer parents found outAnd gave him a cloutNow he's wooing a Mallard instead
I thought I'd just done this but it's not showing up.There was a young duck from QuebecWho had a very long neckHe tied it in a knotBut then he forgotAnd found that he couldn't peck
LBM, I found the first "Quebec" limerick in my blogger spam folder! Maybe it didn't like the word "peck".. hahaha!
You people are AMAZING!!!! I shall clearly be awarding more than one prize in this contest. I am so impressed!
The first time Knatolee went homeAnd found her ducks using the phoneShe had a big grin'Til the bill came inNow she's having to take out a loan
There once was a duck called CampbellWho went for a very long ambleHe walked into townIn his long black gownAnd called at the bookies for a gamble
There once was a duck from DundeeWho needed to go for a peeThe toilets were shutSo he went in the hutWith which the other ducks didn't agree
There once was a duck from SheffieldWho's eggs gave a very good yieldShe laid every dayAnd asked for no payExcept to have a grape peeled
There once was a little mouse who was blueFrom thinking of duck limericks, it's trueThey went round in her headBut she needed her bedAnd will be back tomorrow with new
A handsome young Abacot RangerPut himself into some dangerHe went to the vet's(small animals, pets)And fell deeply in love with a strangerA flirtatious gander called BenStarted an affair with a henHe showed her his kneesShe melted like cheeseBut he married a good duck instead
Knatolee and Gordon's farmIs a place where ducks learn charmThey sing and they playhave a musical dayProtected from hunters and harm
A miserly spendthrift called NateCharges his ducks when they're lateWhen the pond frozeIce pinched their toesHe charged them a dollar to skate!
Knatolee - Sorry, I sent off my nocturnal ramblings in draft form - could you allow me a correction, please?It's for the one about flirtatious gander, Ben - the final line should read:'But he married a good duck called Jen'
Natalie I think you ought to put a restriction on entries - can I suggest no more than 500 per person? ;)There was a duck named MacGregorWho's reputation was megaMost ladies adored himBut Eugenia ignored himHe's never been able to bed her There was a young duck from PooleWho was always acting the foolHe did silly walksAnd juggled with forksThe other ducks thought he was cool
There was a plump duck from DorsetWho couldn't fit in her corsetShe tried breathing inAnd trying to be thinBut ended up having to force it
A duckling called Amy went weakSeeing a reflection of her beak"I can't show my faceAround this placeI look like a total freak"
There were lots of ducks on Nat's farmBut their diet was filled with alarmThey had their routineOf eating PoutineSurely it would do them some harm?
Ian, what can I say? Your poetry is spectacular! And I was glad to see some lowering of the tone. Last summer, my Hen Haiku contest sank into debauchery!
This morning, Gordon sat with me and read all of these out loud to him. Who knew I had so many gifted poets amongst my readers? I suspect I shall be mailing prizes to the UK when this is all said and done...LBM, no limit on entries! I love getting up every day and having new limericks to read, although I keep spitting tea on my keyboard, which is not helpful...
Little Blue Mouse, BONUS POINTS for the inclusion of poutine in your poem!!!
No limit eh? You may be snowed under with entries from PTL and myself by next month!Speaking of whichThere once was a duck from NepalWho had a most terrible fallShe broke both her legsAnd all of her eggsAnd then couldn't go to the ballAn evil old duck from the EastInvited all to a feastHe murdered them allFrom short to tallAnd ate them all up, the beast
A chubby young duckling called JimDecided to try and get slimHe worked on his absGot rid of the flabsAnd now he's learning to swim
Are you kiddin'? Keep 'em coming, LBM!
PTL, if only my three-legged cat would take that health advice...
There once was a duck with portfolio, Who despaired at the Dow Jones imbroglio. He cried, "If I buy stocksFrom the Kochs and the Sachs,Does it mean that I, too, have no soul-io?!(Pardon me. I have a bit of an obsession going with #OWS.)
There was a fat duck named BillWho always ate his fillOne day in a hurryHe ordered a curryBut regretted it when he became illThere once was a duck from BoliviaWho's name was Violet OliviaSomeone did sayAre you here for the day?"Of course not" she replied "I live here"A duck flying high overheadDropped a dollop on Gordon's headHe looked up in shockAs the rest of the flockTook aim, and filled him with dread
Hannibal Duck had no teeth,Said "Thee how my pin feather bleedth."Amy said, "You taste nice!"And he yelled, "Jethuth Chritht!Thomebody call the po-leeth!"
There once was a duck from NewquayWho loved to be by the seaWhen he wasn't surfingHe could be found turfingHe was a gardener you see
CogDis, I'll be sending you another dry-cleaning bill for my peed-on office chair seat again... I read that one out loud to Gordon and scared the dogs with my laughter.And Little Blue Mouse, you are ON FIRE!! You go, limerick girl!
A straight-laced duck lived next doorTo a pimp and a second class whoreWhen she complainedOf the noise that they madeThey said "Come on don't be a bore"
There once was a common merganserWho, asked for a date, wouldn't answer.Till a frustrated wigeon renounced his religionAnd hollered, "at least let me pants her."
There once lived a duck in SurreyWho had to leave in a hurryAll her money was spentWas behind with the rentSo she rushed off all in a flurryA big strapping drake did confessThat in secret he liked to crossdressHe did it at nightWithout any lightSo his make up was always a mess
There once was a duck from GlengarryWho desperately wanted to marryThe drakes all declinedSo she was inclinedTo take her chances with Clarry
Gordon the Duck, an exceptional hostWorld renowned for making good toastSpread it with butterShaped with a cutterThen awarded prizes for eating the most!
Georgiana, Duckess of DevonshireCampaigned for Fox Whig in the ShireShe gave away kissesTo men, not missesWith her eyes igniting their desire
There once was a duck from VancouverWho was a great little moverHe did his very bestAt the dance contestAnd won the trophy for best groover
There once lived a duck with NatalieWho was not getting on at all happilyHe packed up his bagsSaid goodbye to the ladsAnd headed for Greater Napanee
A young Eider duck called NedAte crustaceans and molluscs, it's saidHe grew fat and fearlessHunted, grew carelessNow he's a quilt on my bed!
Murr, NICE WORK finding rhymes for "widgeon" and "merganser!" I am very impressed. :)
Pear Tree, Gordon is very impressed that you included him and toast in a limerick. And did you know I have a chicken named Georgiana Duchess of Devonshire?
LBM, I have spent an inordinate amount of time in Napanee and I can tell you that it is NOT GREAT.:) BUt bonus points for your excellence use of Canadian towns and cities in today's limericks!You ladies get a lot done before I'm even out of bed in the morning. Of course, being on Greenwich Mean Time helps...
I think that duck might be a bit disappointed when he gets there!There was a vile duck from the borderWho's manners were well out of orderShe cursed and she sworeAnd spat on the floorNo wonder everyone abhorred her
There was a duck in the BahamasWho always wore his pyjamasSomething he loathesIs buying new clothesEveryone thinks he's bananas
A Muscovy duck named IreneHad a caruncle of bright greenIt's also true That her beak was blueOh what a sight to be seen
An opera singer called MartyWas invited to sing at Duck's partyLove blossomed, and diedWhen he took Duck asideShe learned that he was castrati
There was a young duck in his teensWho loved to dine on baked beansBut then the chumpLet out a trumpAnd blew everyone to smithereens
Tina Turner was down at the farmWith Penelope, Henrietta and CharmWith tail feathers curledThey spun and they twirledThen high-tailed it back to the barn
There once was a duck from KoreaWho went out for his very first beerTrying to be butchHe drank way too muchAnd ended with raging diarrhoea
There once was a duck unawareShe was being stalked by a bearWhen she turned aroundHer heart gave a poundAs she offered up a quick prayer
Reggie the duck was a loutOf this there was no doubtHe got his kicksFrom frightening the chicksUntil their mother gave him a clout
Eugenia the duck took a shineTo a new drake who looked so fineBut what a mistakeThis was no drakeBut a dirty great porcupine
Pear Tree, the hens are beyond impressed that you know their names!! (Me too!)
LBM, I am very much enjoying this morning's submissions as I eat a fresh poached egg on toast. Despite the fact that I was eating when I read it, I'm amazed you found a rhyme for "diarrhea"! ANd I am impressed that you worked in the local animals (porcupines and bears!) We have lots of porcupines but there is also the occasional black bear sighting around here.
The ducks on the farm have just latterlyTaken to having breakfast with NatalieEggs they won't eatBut toast is a treatAnd they eat it all up so happily
A duck and a goose made merryWith Knatolee's bottle of sherryThey dabbled and quackedFound snails and snackedHitched a ride back on the ferry
Out on her rounds one morningA duck goosed Natalie with no warningThen to her alarmHe set about her armAnd sent all the bees a swarming
Knatolee found a pink duckShe was filthy, covered in muckShe bathed her in bubblesGave lots of cuddlesThen read her a bedtime book.
A Runner duck and his best mateDecided to enter a raceThey trained togetherIn all kinds of weatherAnd finished in joint second place
A duck named Charlie SheenWas a veritable sex machineHe didn't give a care If they had feathers or hairHe really was quite obscene
There was a Mom-duck from Glengarry,Whose defense of her brood was quite scary;She said "Get away from my youngOr I'll rip out a lungAnd send you off to the infirmary.
A Welsh duck scared local farmersWhile walking his dogs, in his 'jamasBadgers said "Hi"Gave him the eyeWhile stealing his grain and bananasWith apologies to Going Gently - hey who am I kidding? With thanks to him for having such a funny experience!
There was a young duck from the WestWho was the runt of the nestHe took gym classesAnd ate his molassesAnd now he's as good as the rest
Ronna-duck went to the cityBut found her feathers got grittyWhen she came homeShe borrowed a combWhile splashing and singing a ditty
A large group of English MuffsWith the ducks came to fisticuffsThere was such a fightThe ducks all took flightAnd retreated to Georgian Bluffs
A duck took a trip to the lakeWhere it met a friendly snake"Will you join me for lunch?There's plenty to munchAnd to finish a home made cake"
There once was a duck from CalcuttaWho was often heard to mutterVery strange thingsAbout jellyfish and slingsHe really was quite a nutter
Pear Tree, I love the inclusion of JOhn in your limerick!
Evlyn, you have captured Mama-duck's personality and intentions PERFECTLY!ladies, you have all made EXCELLENT submissions this morning. Little Blue Mouse, if you want to include some Canadiana, I grew up near the Scarborough Bluffs (sadly, Scarborough, Ontario is CONSIDERABLY Uglier than Scarborough, England!!!)
My husband was my best friend'Til I drove him round the bendWhen the limericks startedFriendship departedNo more limericks, The End!
A musical duck from OntarioLoved music, especially BerliozHe plays with one handOn a baby grandBegan lessons barely a year ago!...could I stop limericking, Of course not!
When Natalie sought to inspire usShe planted a nasty virusNow my poor brainCan't take the strainI'm waiting for her to retire us.
A lovestruck young drake from FifeCarved in a tree with his knife"Drake MacGregorLoves Natalie Forever"Then asked her to be his wife.
Ha ha PTL, it's so hard to resist! There once was a duck with a talentWhich wasn't at first apparentIf she touched her toesWhilst holding her noseShe played the "1812" from her vent
There lived a timid duck in BrightonThat the other ducks all would frightenThey told him storiesWith lots of goriesUntil his little face would whiten
Growing up in the Scarborough BluffsNatalie would dream of English muffsThey're hens you'll learn(She's not on the turn)And anyhow now ducks are enough
On one quiet day in the runThe hens were basking in the sunThe ducks were all sittingDoing their knittingMaking hats and scarves for everyone
Natalie had a duck spaWhich was famous near and farWarren did sing "I've broke my wingjust what I need, hurrah!"
There once was a duck from GenevaWho woke with a terrible feverHe had a hot toddyWhich made him less groggyAnd filled him with joie de vivre
A duck from Lennox CountyTrained to be a MountyHe was top notchNo mission did botchAnd always got his bounty
Pear Tree and Little Blue Mouse, you are both on a magnificent roll! But I won't retire you!Where to begin? I love the inclusion of Warren and the duck spa, the English muffs and the Scarborough Bluffs (the muffs prefer to hang with the ducks anyway and are honorary ducks), 1812 Overture, the marriage proposal from MacGregor... on and on it goes! Amazing limericks! :)
While the ducklings were snoring and nappingThe ducks were quacking and flappingFor there in their houseWas Little Blue MouseRe-booting her laptop and tapping!Apologies to LBM, I just couldn't resist the image!
Ha ha, I love it!
A duckling was rushed to the vetAfter puffing on a cigaretteHe turned so green From the nicotineThat's a lesson he'll never forget
Pear Tree, bonus points for including Little Blue Mouse in your limerick!Speaking of mice, we found one drowned in the ducks' water bucket yesterday... :(
One November was unusually warmIt really was not the normThe hens went a-datingThe ducks started matingAnd the bees began to swarmGordon and a young ducklingWere doing the Highland FlingThey danced 'cross the floorAnd out through the doorAnd were never seen ag'in
A Muscovy duck called CharlieOften got lost in the barleyThey called out his nameUsually in vain'Cos Charlie was cuddling CarlyAn artistic duck called RosieWore a ring in her nose, and a posyShe took up a brushGave it a pushAnd painted a Muscovy's nosey
When a duck spat in Chef's eyeHe resolved to make a pieHe chased duck aroundDuck couldn't be foundSo Chef opened a tin, with a sigh
A horse-riding duck from TexasAbandoned her horse for a LexusShe quickly drove to a farmDid horse-vaulting with charmAnd was one of the best chicken sexers
I have to admit a great likingFor vegetarian duck - 'The Viking'He is tall and engagingConversation's wide rangingCan be seen on The Wolds, push-biking
There once was a very young smewWho the other ducks did pursueThey made her life hellTill she grew unwellAnd made her escape by canoe
A middle-aged duck lost some feathersWhen rolling around in the heathersHeather got upDrank wine from a cupRode off on a Harley, in leathers
There once was a duck from NantucketWho found a dead mouse in her bucketThe water was neededAnd she succeededBy using a straw to suck it
There once was a duck called LukeWho was married to a cootWhen their offspring were hatchedThey looked a bit mismatchedBut they were oh so cute
A dog and a duck went to seaJust to see what they could seeThey wore life preserversThought 'Lord don't desert us!'While calling for Natalie
An exotic duck called Shu HansOwned some Le Creuset PansShe knew how to cookWithout aid of a book'Cos learnt what she knew at her Mam's
A beautiful duck named DillyWas thought to be rather sillyShe flexed and she strainedRigorously trainedNow she's pole-dancing in Caerphilly
Ladies, I can't keep up with your magnificence! LBM, Gordon wore a kilt to our wedding but fortunately he restrained himself while dancing. No highland flings! :)Pear Tree, I had to go look up "smew"! What beautiful ducks. WE don't seem to have them in Canada, as far as I can tell but I'll do further research.
There once was a duck named EllieWho fell for the chef at the deliWhen once in a whileHe gave her a smileHer knees would turn to jelly
LBM, love the reference to this week's mouse-drowning catastrophe! :)
These are so great! Who knew you could write a limerick about a duck pole-daning in Caerphilly?!!
There was a young duck called JillWho had a very unusual bill.It was for thirty-one shillings,from a duck dentist, for drillings(Not including scale, polish & fill).
I remember a lively young duck called Janus,who had a preternaturally loud anus.He could fart like a trumpetyou could like it or lump it,but his recitals were always most heinous.
Natalie thought she would be a hitIf she took the ducks out for a bitBut how inopportuneTo go to Alfred lagoonThey quacked "This is a load of shit"
Warren was a little bemusedWhen Amy stoutly refusedTo give him a kissShe said with a hiss"Go away, I'm gender-confused"
There once was a duck called MikeWho went for a ride on a bikeBut he hit a stoneAnd was immediately thrownOver the handle bars into a dike
There was a fat duck named KateWho ate up all the cakeAnd the bread and cheeseAnd all that she seesAnd now she's got bellyache
There once was a duck called SusieWho was a bit of a floozyCockerel or drakeGecko or snakeShe wasn't at all choosy
Knatolee, the tone of this page needs more lowering. Accrdingly,A LimerickA turkey, a chicken and duck inthe barn decided to f--k inthe sweet smelling hayin a clandestine wayand now they resemble turducken.
Natalie's cultured ducks inclineTo a palate both clear and fineBut Gordon got crossWhen he heard 'the boss'Order them a case of fine wine
Natalie sweet-talked her hubbyInto kidnapping Pedro & BuddySo now they roamRound the ducks homeMaking out and getting muddy
A silly young duck named HollyWent out in the rain with a brollyThe others did laughAt this stupid gaffe'Cos she looked like a proper wally
Pedro and Buddy threatened the fabric of Societywhen they teamed up together in impropriety.Though they'd civil partnered to each other for lifethey were both forcibly given a lady-penguin as wife,thus preserving Public safety, zoo-keeper modesty, and piety.
Eh... do these entries get accepted when they have been put in the wrong place by people who didn't follow the link but commented on the post containing the link?There once was a bunch of blog foolswho just couldn't follow the rulesthey posted their phrasesin all the wrong placeslike dunces in corners at schools
There once was an entry by Andrefereewho lived her life so perfectleethat once she'd got over herselfshe crawled back on the shelfbefore anyone took her comments seriouslee...
There once was a bunch of blog foolswho didn't give a fig for the rules.We were all rather frantic,not nearly quite so pedantic:very few of us went to nerd skools.
Ducks, ducks, damn it - I forgot the ducks!Our match referee, she was a real duck.A little older; I'd say post nip and tuck.But she wore her strict rulebook like armour,might have lived longer, if she'd been calmer,and just trusted to the Judges, and luck.
An adventurous young duck bought a Ferrari.Took to loafing around a lot, drinking Campari.Went to some very strange clubs,one or two swish ex-pat pubs,and ended up driving around Delhi in a Sari
I wish that my duck hunting days in Poonahhad ended much later rather than sooner.We shot cannon from elephant howdah,sent servants to fetch more gun powdah,and then trampled the old garden pruner.
There once was a duck named LouisaWho farted if anyone did squeeze herMost drakes stayed clearJust one showed no fearHe had no sense of smell in his sneezer
Andreferee, we are not particularly strict here at Knatolee's World (that would be the royal "we") so OF COURSE your lovely entry counts. however, if you do win a prize you are going to have to give me some way to get in touch with you. :)
You guys are KILLING me this morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I do have one rule that must be adhered to: if you don't have "duck" or some reference to that species (I don't care if you don't use the actual word "duck") in your limerick, you are disqualified from prizes. But I will still be happy to see your limerick! So, Owl Wood, the duck-free limericks won't get you far, but you've submitted so many hilarious duck-laden ones that I don't think it's going to hurt your chances one bit. :)
Owl Wood, the "Poonah" limerick is oh-so-colonial. LOVE it! Especially since I had some English great-grandfather who toddled off to India for a spell. :)
Or better perhaps to say "Oh so the-sun-never-set-on-the-British-Empire"!
LBM, LOVE the farting duck submission (figures; I have no class!) Hahahaha!
We will also overlook spelling and grammatical errors, just so long as the limerick is of excellent quality! ;)
And I adore the Pedro & Buddy limericks, I grew up in Toronto and when the zoo opened in 1974, my school raised funds for several animal purchases. My grade bought a flying squirrel! (COuldn't have been very expensive, since they are native to this area.) I am appalled at their interference in the Pedro-Buddy bromance!
Okay, I don't think I've commented on the anus/Janus/trumpet fart limerick. I truly appreciate the tone-lowering once again, Owl Wood.And HWB, you too have done a splendid job of bringing things down a notch. Those British women are just much too classy! ;)))
it's hard to keep you with the comments! But I also loved Pear Tree's "gender-confused" remark. STill more bonus points to you for knowing my ducks so well. Maybe the next contest will be "Name the duck I thought was a boy but is actually a girl!"
LBM, the gecko thanks you for remembering her!
Owl Wood's limericks did not qualifyAs Natalie this morning did verifyJust one cotton picking minuteAndreferees entry had no ducks in itSo surely that is also a disqualify?
Convinced that Muscovy-talk is not babbleGordon got the ducks an education - a dabbleHe paid their school feesAnd held spelling beesNow they're World Champions of Scrabble
Oh I was thinking your gecko was a boy. Still I don't think that would bother Susie!
There was a young duck who was grumpyHis mood was all horrid and lumpyHe went to the vetWho said "Right, get setWe'll soon sort you out with some pumpy"
There was a posh duck named AliceWho's coop was just like a palaceShe had cake stands in tiersCrystal chandeliersAnd drank her water from a chalice
A duck was placed in quarantineAfter events that were unforeseenIt was her siblings endeavoursTo eat her pin feathers"Well we heard they were full of protein"
There once was a man (not) called AndrefereeWho was alarmed when Owl Wood assumed he was a laydeeThough his words were in jesthe now thinks it is bestto desist in his work as a referee
Warren came to a grisly endWhen he went to stay with a 'friend'From cannibal to vampireThey did all conspireAnd he was never seen again
LBM, you have a point. I may have to create a special "Gay Penguin Romance" category just for Owl Woods!!!
Gordon really likes it when you include him in limericks! :D
LBM, the gecko doesn't mind if we confuse her gender! :)
Pear Tree, I don't think I could afford to keep that Alice duck in the style to which she has become accustomed!LBM, LOVED the protein/pinfeathers limerick!! HAHAHAHA!
Andreferee, don't leave! I shall miss you! Is that "And Referee" or "Andre Feree"? Ooo la la!
A duck was taken to jailFor eating pin feathers from the frailGordon was aceAt fighting her caseAnd managed to get her bail
A young duck named Andre Fur-eeonce invited the vicar to tea.They discussed existentialsand rules, supplementalsand worried us so needlessly...One fine day in the middle of the nighttwo dead ducks had a terrible frightwhen back to back they each got roasted,boiled, microwaved, steamed and then toasted(until cook got the old recipe just right).
A duck whilst out for a walkAnd was taken by a hawkThe others showed surpriseAt his sudden demiseBut all they could do was gawk
A duck ate a caterpillarWhich very nearly did kill herIt turned into a mothWhich made her tummy frothAnd certainly didn't thrill her
The ducks queued up in the canteenWaiting to get their poutineThen they saw Gordon's toastWhich was the mostWonderful thing they had ever seen
She tried to get in Gordon's good booksBy mentioning him and his good looksAnd it can't do any harmTo allude to his charmAnd of course she didn't forget the ducks
LBM, Gordon will be voting for your limericks, I'm sure. :)))
And funny you should mention hawks, since a red-tailed hawk was flying over our fields yesterday, shrieking away. The ducks never like that!
Owl WOods, I can't imagine that those ducks were very tasty after all the boiling and roasting and toasting!!!
Out for a quiet stroll one eveningTwo ducks saw a very strange thingA door was flung wideAnd a mouse flew outsideNatalie's got quite a swing
There once was a duck named MattWho fell into a cider vatIn order not to drownHe drank it all downAnd was never the same after that
A duck was out with her beauFor the very first time in the snowShe had so much funBuilt a snowduck for her MumLots of snowballs they did throw
La vie beau henThere once was a duck named EugeniaWho suffered from hypoglycemia -Her diet was changed,Her work-outs free-ranged -She now leads a life of Bohemia.
A duck named Charlie SheenWas as handsome as any to be seenHe was the perfect dateHad a G S O HAnd really was quite a dream
Heartily sick of his own feathersMacGregor said he wanted some leathersHe desired a bikeOr he'd call a strikeRefuse to go out in all weathers
There once was a duck called ImeldaWho turned the stomach of all who smelled herNeither old dead fishNor rotting rubbishWere as bad as the smell of Imelda
A duck full of whiskey was gay,And decided a robber to play.He boasted aloudTo those in the crowd,"I'll quack open the safe,and wad all the bills faraway."
Three little ducks liked to playPaddling and dabbling all dayWhen evening fellMum rang a bellThey'd eat hearty and then hit the hay
As the weather was very coldWarren said she had to be toldThey wanted pyjamas Or else there'd be dramasAnd QUICKLY, before it snowed!When Natalie threw a big partyEugenia's girls dressed a bit tartyThey sang and dancedWhile Charlie danced(But his bottom was a little bit *arty)
A duck bought herself a carFor she wanted to travel afarShe studied her mapsPlanned the route to the maxAnd left with an "Au revoir"
The duck nearly went into orbitWhen Natalie found her sore bitSo using a gloveGently, with loveNat carefully anointed the raw bitWith apologies to Natalie for truncating her name.
There once was a duck named TinaWho longed to be a ballerinaBut her arabesqueLooked quite grotesqueShe just didn't have the right demeanor
A duckling was playing in waterSplashing about more than she ought-erBy the time she had finishedThe water had diminishedLeaving hardly enough for a saucer
I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with responding to your wonderful limericks the past few days, but I read them every morning and LOVE them! And you may truncate my name as much as you want. :)
There once was a duck named RickWho had been feeling very sickAfter studying his motionsThe Quack gave him potionsWhich seemed to do the trick
Keep 'em coming, O Brilliant Ones!
There once was a duck called AbbyWho always was so shabbyHer feathers were grubbyHer beak was stubbyAnd her legs were spotty and scabby
A duckling said to his brother"We have to help each otherIf our pin feathers we peckNatalie will checkAnd we'll get time in the spa, no bother"
LBM, apparently two of the ducks wanted a spa treatment today. They are segregated in the (warm) garage. The feather-picking is driving me nuts! But I love the limericks!
There lived an amorous duckling named Nell,Spent all her days in a love spell.On the stars made a wish,Her love moved forward for a kiss.Swooned so hard that she fell down the well.
Snow fell down and water frozeDucks stand still and misery showsNatalie knitsHats, Scarves and MittsThen invites the ducks to warm their toes
When the snow began to fallMacGregor wasn't pleased at allHe stamped his feetCalled out for heatWarm food, warm water, shawls for all!
Kristin, marvellous! We have a well in the old milkhouse attached to our barn, and the ducks might very well fall down it. ;)
Elaine, I draw the line at knitting for my ducks, ha ha!! Spa days are enough. :)
And Elaine, really nice work working in the snow aspect in your latest limerick.
When MacGregor developed a chilblainHe shouted that he would complainTo HSCJust wait and seeNatalie sent him to Spain, on a plane
When Natalie went out to seeWhat the ducklings fancied for teaThey all wanted breadWith a fishy spreadWashed down with juice of kiwi
Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!