Friday, June 03, 2011

The Knatolee's World HEN HAIKU CONTEST

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,  boys and girls, cats and dogs, chickens and all other assorted flora and fauna, it's time for Knatolee's first (perhaps the only!) annual 

HEN HAIKU CONTEST

There rules are simple: you must write a hen-related (and/or rooster-related) haiku in the traditional format of 5 syllables, followed by 7 syllables, followed by 5 syllables. The best Haiku will be chosen by my as-yet-to-be-selected expert committee, and the winner will receive a prize of an assortment of my chicken photo greeting cards. This contest is open to all citizens of the world who live in a place with mail delivery. Husbands of Knatolee are disqualified, as are chickens of Knatolee, but anyone else is eligible to enter. The deadline for this fabulous contest is midnight June 30th, and the winner will be announced July 1st, Canada Day! While Kate and Wills are cavorting in our nation's capital that day, one of you lucky haiku-savants will be celebrating in the glory of winning my first ever HEN HAIKU CONTEST!

To start you off, I present this exceedingly delicious haiku by the wondrous Jams at The Poor Mouth. Can you beat this? You'd better try, or Jams will be winning yet another prize: 


Enter early, enter often. Good luck, people!


PS: Canada Post has just gone on strike. If they're still picketing July 1st, delivery of your prize may be delayed due to circumstances completely and utterly beyond my control!

131 comments:

  1. They call me Mr. Beaker
    I want all the girls
    But the girls want Errol Flynn

    ReplyDelete
  2. We are all free range chickens
    We own this grand farm
    Even those scaredy cat dogs

    ReplyDelete
  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! This is gonna be GOOD!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
    Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
    Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rampant cockerel
    he desires to spread his seed
    sadly No means No

    ReplyDelete
  6. Quick, fleeting passion
    Leads to missing back feathers.
    Apron for Chickie!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my freaking God!
    These are so hen-a-licious!
    Now I pee my pants.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous6:22 pm

    Beautiful feathers
    Spring is upon us
    Tag your it

    Jeanne

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ha! Colonel Sanders
    You are long dead and buried
    Chickens rule the roost

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmmm. Syllables or what the Japanese call "on" sounds, in the necessary sequence? My technical adjudicator says it's not a case of syllables, though is often misunderstood to be. I'm confused, about everything. I don't do Haiku so I prefer to be a miserable pedant instead.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rampant cockerel
    he is working at the IMF
    sadly No means Yes

    (with apologies to Jams O'Donnell, see above)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yikes! Chickens scare me.
    Cuz they will poke your eyes out.
    My Granny told me so.

    ReplyDelete
  13. By unpopular request.

    *ahem*

    Georgiana's head
    flowers before Errol Flynn.
    A flower no more.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This one's for the roosters...

    I am chicken King
    Watch me strut my sexy stuff
    Hens are all a-flutter.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I had a good one at 2am this morning, I should have gotten up and wrote it down! Now I can't remember it!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am called The Lord Gaga
    I’m gender challenged
    Peck the girls or peck the boys?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Feathers, beaks and claws
    Ancient as the dinosaurs
    Funny friends for life

    ReplyDelete
  18. Have you thought of pinning this to the top of your blog for the duration of the comp Knatolee?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pentadactyl limbs
    Flap longingly for true love
    Roosters are at hand

    ReplyDelete
  20. How the HELL am I going to pick a winner with all this excellence?

    Jams, I was trying to figure out how to pin it to the top. Are you able to explain, or point me in the right direction? :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hmmm... I think I should publish an illustrated book of this stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  22. "pentadactyl"... hahahahahahahaha!!!!

    i think I'm going to have to give out more than one prize.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Jim, I really appreciate the utter simplicity of your haiku. Such beauty in its clean lines!

    Jams, you are seriously going to make me wet my chair, I am laughing so hard... Ahab isn't helping. "Apron for Chickie" indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  24. TTPT, I was hoping someone would bring Colonel Saunders into this!

    You know, Andrew, for a miserable pendant you wrote quite a fine and amusing haiku. And who is your technical adjudicator? Mrs. Andrew??

    Eileen, your haiku evokes a true country air and takes me right to the coop itself.

    HWB, your haiku leads me down the dark and dirty corridors of my mind...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wandering Cat, at least he's not Chicken A LA King! :)

    Mo, that one was worth waiting for. I AM THE LORD GAGA! I AM! I AM!

    And TTPT, I like your gentle follow-up.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I wish not... Alas!
    chicken breasts and many legs
    I cook and devour.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Chicken crossed the road
    We ponder eternally
    But bird brains know why

    ReplyDelete
  28. This is... this is simply glorious. You have made my day with this constest, and once I put my thinking cap on, I will be back with a couple -potentially mediocre- haikus.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Claude, your haiku is stunning in its truth! I am off to eat a chicken-pesto fougasse.

    TTPT, excellent. Chickens are wiser than we think!

    Taylor, so glad to be of service. I look forward to your entries and we don't judge here (well, except for when it comes time to dole out the prize!) All haikus are heartily welcomed!

    ReplyDelete
  30. No Cialis for
    Mr. Beaker or Errol
    Always good to go

    ReplyDelete
  31. I always struggled with Haiku so this is my underwhelming contribution...

    Chickie's Song
    Feathers lost, so sad
    Spa vacation, I arise
    Beaker! Hear me roar

    ReplyDelete
  32. Marilyn, it is magnificent. Truly poetic!

    ReplyDelete
  33. TTPT, I am sending you the dry-cleaning bill for the office chair I just peed in from laughing so hard...

    ReplyDelete
  34. runs but cannot hide
    yielding her virginity
    hen is chaste but caught

    ReplyDelete
  35. Beaker loves lovin'
    He cannot select just one
    Taste just like chicken

    ***

    The sky is falling
    Gaga tweeted his package
    Chickie is outraged

    ReplyDelete
  36. Jams, a FABULOUS play on words! you're so clever.

    CogDis, I am dying of laughter here...

    These are all TOO TOO good for a mere comments section in a blog!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. "Gaga tweeted his package" HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Pullet of my heart
    Unknowable beautious hen
    Your feathers hold light.

    Knatolee - what fun - just as good as sunshine. Am headed back out to the garden to weed.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Unwilling Ladies
    Gallus Gallus Domesticus
    Cock-a-Doodle-Don't

    ReplyDelete
  40. Sophie's a gourmand.
    Chicken droppings appeal to
    the true connosseur.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Pretty chickens dance
    On skinny yellow legs
    A moment of romance...
    A dozen eggs.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I am Chicky girl
    Stop that Beaker, Chick seeker
    Spike my saddle, please

    ReplyDelete
  43. Beaker Boy6:51 pm

    Beaker here
    If Chicky's near
    my rampant cluck
    to her will steer
    It's not a Haiku
    Do I give a damn?
    One bad Rooster's
    What I am

    ReplyDelete
  44. Chickens, you may say
    I have a headache tonight
    to a strutting coq.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Chicky, the coy minx,
    Cons all with sly hi-jinx.
    Runt of the sex-links?

    Indeed, no such thing!
    From the phone booth emerges
    a caped crusader.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Barbara, I like that. You know chickens well, and how their feathers can be iridescent in the sun! :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. Katnip, what can I say? That is SUBLIME. "Cock-a-doodle don't"...I love everything about your haiku!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Ahab, you know my dog too well. HAHAHAHAHA!!

    Fran, you're getting two dozen eggs today. :)

    Andrew, you made me spit tea all over my keyboard. LOVE it, LOVE IT!! Must paint sign with that haiku on it and hang it in coop!

    "Beaker", nice to see you checking in here. I don't care if it's not haiku; it's BRILLIANT!!!

    Claude, excellent advice, especially for poor Chicky!

    HWB, I am hugely impressed by how you rhymed so many words ending in "x"!

    ReplyDelete
  49. And I can't believe how well all of you seem to know my chickens!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. See tail feathers spread
    Flag to manly roosterness
    Hens flock to me now

    ReplyDelete
  51. Preen, primp, crow and strut
    Chickens want a manly slut
    Show them rooster love

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous9:54 am

    Trying to pick up
    Chicks is tough. Roosters agree:
    Love is for the birds.

    Phyllis in Croatia

    ReplyDelete
  53. Cordon bleu, pot pie
    Kiev, coq au vin, nugget
    noodle soup, yummy

    ReplyDelete
  54. Leopard gekko looks
    waits, silent, laughs, watches, waits
    'til lizards reign again

    ReplyDelete
  55. Gordon, Knatolee,
    chicken, dog, cat, lizard, zoo,
    birds visit, much poo

    ReplyDelete
  56. Beaker feeds on corn
    Fine monocotyledons
    gird his loins for love

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hens are in revolt
    We sisters need roosters like
    fish need bicycles

    ReplyDelete
  58. Frowning hens confer
    We are as Lysistrata
    Sapphic love for hens

    ReplyDelete
  59. Never mind Beaker
    Who steals all my eggs? I say
    Thieving lady, ay?

    ReplyDelete
  60. Just put up a post about the comp on the Poor Mouth. I hope it brings a few more fine haikus.

    The standard so far is great!

    ReplyDelete
  61. lesbian chickens
    read the Well of Loneliness
    then sapphic orgy

    ReplyDelete
  62. Errol Flynn's idol:
    Silvio Berlusconi
    "Let's bunga bunga!"

    ReplyDelete
  63. YOU ARE ALL FANTASTIC! Every morning I read these and choke on my tea... too, too hilarious. You all deserve a prize!

    ReplyDelete
  64. TTPT, you get bonus points for the use of "Silvio Berlusconi" and "Bunga Bunga" in a haiku!!

    Jams, I love that you're recognizing the diversity of the hens. And bonus points to you for the use of the word "monocotyledons"! Heck, you get 10,000 bonus points for inspiring this whole thing!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Andrew, I don't know where to start. YOu worked in me, the gecko, poo... it's all so fabulous. I need to celebrate with beer.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Trill, I appreciate teh delicious food imagery, even if the hens don't!

    ReplyDelete
  67. Crowzma and Phyllis, your submissions are absolutely Lord Gaga-worthy!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Thwarted cockerels
    consider radical change
    Transgender rooster?

    ReplyDelete
  69. Rooster ponders change
    swaps his coxcomb for moustache
    Poultry - Out and Proud!

    ReplyDelete
  70. Chicky hires Gordon
    No fury like a scorned hen
    See you in court, boys!

    ReplyDelete
  71. You know, Jams, I have heard of cases of hens changing sex, and also "half and half" chickens! So your haikus are very relevant. HAHAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  72. TTPT another EXCELLENT one. Gordon was pretty pleased this morning to hear he'd been featured in a haiku!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Give me one moment
    Free from Errol's lustiness
    Damn the chicken wire

    ReplyDelete
  74. Forty nine chickens
    government want to know if
    I have fifty birds

    ReplyDelete
  75. Man's age-old question:
    Which came first, chicken or egg
    God just smiles and winks

    ReplyDelete
  76. CogDis,mere chicken wire would never stop Errol! Hahahahaha! He is a 24-hour-a-day lust machine.

    Ah, JOhn, an egg-cellent chicken-quota haiku.

    TTPT, your haiku is food for thought!

    ReplyDelete
  77. Rooster is confused
    and wracked by secret yearnings
    at weekends a hen

    ReplyDelete
  78. Jams, your latest has a wonderful sense of ... poetry to it. "At weekends a hen" is a line of shimmering beauty!

    Plus clearly I am going to have to keep an eye out for cross-dressing roosters in my coop... Beaker's already halfway there.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Beaker's Roosters Choir3:14 pm

    Six new chicks, for sure
    Beaker and the boys approve
    Ding, dong, Cocks sing song

    ReplyDelete
  80. I'm not sure which I like more, the latest haiku or the idea of a "Beaker's Roosters Choir"!!

    ReplyDelete
  81. Fresh chicks in the house!
    Beaker can't wait for them to
    Reach age of consent

    ReplyDelete
  82. Sexy chickens need
    alektorophilial
    vocabulary.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Beaker's Roosters Choir8:24 pm

    Cock a doodle do
    If you're a chick we'll get you
    And sing about it too

    ReplyDelete
  84. Beaker Boy8:29 pm

    Eh...Age of consent?
    Of roosters you know nothing
    Chickens and stuffing

    ReplyDelete
  85. You do realize, "Beaker's Roosters Choir" and "Beaker Boy", that you are going to have to own up to your true identity if you win the contest!? :)

    They are indeed excellent haikus, and I continue to be enchanted by the notion of a choir of singing Beakers!

    ReplyDelete
  86. TTPT, we were laughing our *sses off at that one this morning!

    And HWB, hang on, I need to go find a dictionary!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Did somebody say a choir of singing Beakers?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A

    ReplyDelete
  88. Lord Gaga's namesake
    Hatched out of an egg like him
    And struts her stuff too

    ReplyDelete
  89. Roosters' dilemma
    With all those nubile sex-links
    When will WE get laid?

    ReplyDelete
  90. Anonymous12:36 pm

    Who is Beaker Boy?
    Strutting cocky, hen jockey
    look out window, see?

    It's me.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Beaker has been bad
    punish me hard he cries out
    loves pain and pleasure

    ReplyDelete
  92. Beaker Boy10:05 am

    Beaker's Chicky toy
    can sure keep a rooster boy
    in the saddle. Joy

    ReplyDelete
  93. HWB, that was fabulous! I loved it when the violin burst into flames. I should play that video down in the coop to inspire the Beaker Boys Choir!

    ReplyDelete
  94. Ahab, I like how you worked popular culture into that haiku! Or something. :)

    TTPT, another marvellous haiku, complete with double-entendre: laid/laid!

    Anonymous, not just a haiku, but a haiku that rhymes. You get bonus points for that, but if you win you have to send me your mailing info. :)

    Jams, nothing like a little S & M to spice up the coop. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

    And Beaker Boy, you too have an excellent rhyming haiku!

    ReplyDelete
  95. Chicky1:26 pm

    Beaker looms, I run
    He catches me, I endure
    Don't tell, but it's fun

    ReplyDelete
  96. O Canada Post!
    Beaker's love notes to Chicky
    Languish in thy bins

    ReplyDelete
  97. Chickens United5:45 pm

    Re: "mailing info" if we win (see, us chickens can do fancy admin talk you know), we 'aint in this to win, we just like clucking you about (ha ha). We are gonna have a Knat and Gordon haiku competition in the coop. Sophie tells us your secrets so we have plenty material. Yours with cross-species felicitations (and thanks for the fluffy new recruits). This writing in your stoooopid language aint really allowed cos we're supposed to pretend we are dumb birds, but think about it my dear... could a human run around for a while without its head on? All is not what it seems, you dumbsters (we just love your reaction to that old headless chicken trick :)

    ReplyDelete
  98. Chief Chicken5:52 pm

    "Don't count your humans until they're dead," we say. You have no idea what we really use you for. You wouldn't want to have.

    Humans think they rule
    Ha ha sillies, go to school
    Faking dumb: our tool

    ReplyDelete
  99. Sophie's warning5:59 pm

    Chicken pie Chicky
    giblet soup and spice stuffing
    Human love? Nothing

    ReplyDelete
  100. This is the 100th comment. Pointless, but it is. People (and other species apparently) like a good poetry challenge

    ReplyDelete
  101. Gecko6:12 pm

    Yawn, Boring, Boring...
    Waiting, Warming, Waiting, Yawn,
    Lizard Dawn, come on...

    ReplyDelete
  102. Ah, so "Chicky" might need to be disqualified because "Chicky" is one of the contest judges, but I will make sure "Chicky" gets a free meal out of this, which might ease the pain of disqualification!

    ReplyDelete
  103. TTPT, that is awesome, incorporating the current Canada Post strike into your haiku. Fanastic!

    ReplyDelete
  104. CHickens United, you are scaring me. Am I going to have to arm myself when I visit the coop? Is a visit to KFC in order??

    ReplyDelete
  105. Chief Chicken, (isn't that called a rooster?), while your haiku is excellent, I quibble with the fact that it is not technically a HEN haiku!

    ReplyDelete
  106. Sophie (you traitor, betraying family secrets to the chicken world!) that sounds just like you. It's all about the giblets. Do the hens know?

    Andrew, congrats on post #100!

    ReplyDelete
  107. Poor Gecko, always neglected, always bored!

    ReplyDelete
  108. Chickens are jealous
    Kitty pool in the basement
    Dude, where's our hot tub?

    ReplyDelete
  109. Mayor Ford decreed
    he would not march this Sunday.
    Beaker has more pride.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Earthquake strikes Japan!
    Reverberations from the
    lustiest chickens?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Royal visit soon
    All the hens are practicing
    Feathery curtsies

    Errol bows deeply
    Then he salutes Prince William
    Beaker ogles Kate

    ReplyDelete
  112. One hundred haikus
    And what can we expect here?
    Pullet surprises.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Beaker the sneaker
    Chicken seeker and freaker
    He's always eager

    ReplyDelete
  114. Beloved Rooster
    Beloved Hen
    rush slowly....in my frying-pan!

    ReplyDelete
  115. Where is Julius?
    There's fur in the chicken coop
    Carnivorous hens

    ReplyDelete
  116. In secret conclaves
    there is murmuring, plotting
    hens will rule the world

    ReplyDelete
  117. Jams O'Donnell -- Hey, hens can't be any worse than our current crop of leaders! :)

    ReplyDelete
  118. TTPT, EXCELLENT! I love how you incorporate recent household events (kitty pool) into your haiku.

    And for those who don't live in Toronto and may not have grasped the full magnificence of Happy Wombat Boy's "Ford" haiku:
    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2011/06/23/ford-gay-pride-family.html

    I can't believe the Mayor of Toronto had to get his Mommy to talk on the radio for him. Such a loser.

    ReplyDelete
  119. HWB, such poetry to your Japan earthquake haiku. It's wonderful in so many ways: sex, current events, and mentioning Japan in a Japanese form of verse!

    TTPT, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the royal visit reference. And you KNOW Beaker. Not in the biblical sense, of course!

    ReplyDelete
  120. "Pullet surprises", nice pun HWB! I would expect nothing less from you!

    Andrew, rhyming haikus get BONUS POINTS!

    Willie, you are SHAMELESS. No prize for you! (But maybe some eggs.)

    "Where is Julius?
    There's fur in the chicken coop
    Carnivorous hens"

    HAHAHAHAHA! Jams, you are going to win SOME kind of prize for the quality and quantity of your haikus. Another thing of magnificence.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Ahab, I think the hens would do a MUCH better job of leading our countries. And if people got out of line, the hens would simply peck out their eyeballs. Problem solved!

    ReplyDelete
  122. reminiscences
    Bantam hens shimmer blackly
    Free range happiness!

    ReplyDelete
  123. Jane, how beautiful!! Nice to see someone around here has class (certainly not me!)

    ReplyDelete
  124. Beaker Boy7:42 pm

    "Hens changing sex," ay?
    Please God not the other way
    No hen me, I pray

    ReplyDelete
  125. lovely chicken eggs
    beautiful treasure inside
    a hens best laid plans

    ReplyDelete
  126. Chicky6:48 am

    If my eggs
    had legs
    they could run from egg stealer
    like I run from Bad Beaker
    But we'd both get caught
    Sigh
    We're lowest of the lot
    Why?

    ReplyDelete
  127. New picnic table?
    Hens whisper among themselves
    "Are we the main dish?"

    ReplyDelete
  128. A summer moon pales
    On mother’s feathers, soft
    A chick’s bright eye peeps

    ReplyDelete
  129. niwa tori wa
    mayonaka kite
    kitsune naku

    (The hen when,
    Midnight comes
    The fox cries.)

    © 2011 Nicholas Robinson

    ReplyDelete
  130. CHef Nick, those are beautiful, and you get BONUS POINTS for the Haiku in Japanese. Wow!

    ReplyDelete
  131. Beaker Boy, I like the SHakespearian/Transgender tone of your latest effort!

    Chicky, why indeed? The eternal question.

    Sugar Creek, I love that double entendre: "best laid plans" hee hee!

    Fantastic work, all of you! Thanks for giving me a month's worth of laughs. We'll get the judging done in a couple of weeks but to me, you're all winners!!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!