Such a naughty sock monkey!

(Okay, before anyone says it, YES. Yes, I need a life. What of it?)

Now back to the naughty sock monkey. Today a parcel arrived from my friend Beth in Toronto. She and her lovely daughter Maliya MADE me a real sock monkey for my birthday!! Yaaaaaaaay! I have never had a sock monkey before, not even as a wee hyperactive only child, so I am thrilled. Now I own a beautifully handcrafted one, made by my dear friends.

"OOoh! Oh joy! Oh bliss! Mr. Sock Monkey, you are LOVELY! Aren't you such a lovely sock monkey? So quiet, so cuddly, so well-behaved. And you don't leave scratch marks on my back like Naomi-kitten does when she runs up it just after I get out of the shower! You just quietly hang there, bow-legged and mouthless. I think we should get rid of those nasty clawed cats and replace them with a herd of sock monkeys!"

"We beg to differ!"

"I bet no one in the world as a sock monkey as nice and BEEYOOTIFUL as MY sock monkey! And such a good sock monkey, a SAINTLY sock monkey!"

"Wheeeee! Sock monkey, sock monkey, I've got a sock monkey! And you don't! Neeeener neener neener neeeeeener! Pffft! Look at my happy dancing sock monkey!"
(Hmmm... maybe someone has been working at home alone too long?)

"Waaaait a minute, MISTER sock monkey!! Did YOU take the bite out of my lunchtime pizza? What do you mean 'NO!'? You have cheese on your fingers! Well, they're more like a stump, really. No individual fingers that I can discern. And how DO you take such a big bite when you have no mouth?"

"You are a very, very NAUGHTY sock monkey! What? What? Don't talk back to me, you naughty, naughty sock monkey. I'll have you know that my Vizslador (Lab-Vizla cross, but doesn't "Vizslador" sound majestic?) Tristan is very, very good at disembowelling stuffed animals with absolute surgical precision. My advice to you, NAUGHTY sock monkey, is to watch that mouth and keep your gob OFF my lunch, or your guts will be scattered around the dog beds! Do you hear me, SOCK MONKEY? Sock monkey? What are you doing with that fork, sock monk– aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"My name is Mr. Sock Monkey, but you can call me Sock. Nobody messes with me. NOBODY! Now pass the pizza!"


"Hide your pizza. There's a new sock monkey in town."