Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Oh COME ON!!!!

Last year, the first snowfall of any consequence was on November 21, the day our dogs arrived. Here's a shot from the day after, with Gordon frolicking on his "snow day." (Btw, after November 21 we had snow on the ground until May.)


NOVEMBER. This was late NOVEMBER.

What is today's date? Yes, that's right. Today is OCTOBER 28. OCTOBER! But what is Environment Canada telling us? Environment Canada is telling us that starting tonight, we are going to be hammered by a winter storm. There is a winter storm warning on now, and we are supposed to get six frigging inches of snow, if not more, plus strong winds and a bunch of rain before the snow begins. It's already raining slop. Windy, cold, slop, crap crap crap.

The people at Environment Canada crack me up. This is how they started the latest warning:

"Although Halloween is still three days away... Some frightening weather is beginning to appear already."

Uh, yeah. I think I need to smack their heads together.

Now, for all you non-Canucks, you have to understand that complaining about the weather is our national sport (after hockey), one in which I indulge freely. We get tons of bad weather here. Tons. I have lived through many blizzards, thunderstorms, heat waves, -40C cold snaps, and one force 2 hurricane. I lived through six weeks of not seeing the sun in BC. Unlike you southerners, (and British Columbians) I don't do the chicken dance if I see half an inch of snow on the ground. ;)

And unlike you Americans, we don't have a Florida or a Hawaii to run off to when the snow is two feet deep. (Well, we do, we have YOUR Florida and Hawaii, but now that the Canadian dollar is back in the TOILET, journeys to the American south are not a cheap winter escape option for us.)

So I am officially COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WEATHER. I enjoy winter, I do! I cross-country ski, I snow-shoe, I make snow-angels, I get out there, then I come home and make a fire and drink hot chocolate. But for the love of all things HOLY, it is OCTOBER 28th! It's not even HALLOWE'EN. It is certainly not winter. The clocks haven't even gone back! How dare they tell me there's a "winter storm watch" on? I had to run out today and pick my last three cauliflowers, and some Swiss chard, cilantro, and the rest of the beets. (Screw the kale. The kale is on its own. Live free or die, Kale.)

I don't even know where my winter boots are!

So to all of you (this means you Eileen, bikini-clad in your summer weather in Lotusland, and you, Robin and Lizz, basking in the golden sunshine of the orange juice state, and you, Steph and Angela and the rest of you Georgia-types, snorfling down those PEACHES!), spare us poor sods in eastern Ontario a thought tonight as we get our first snow dump of the season. None of us are ready! Gordon and I certainly don't have snow tires on our cars yet (oooh, Gordon, what do you say about a snow day tomorrow?! I'll show you my marshmallows if you show me your hot chocolate.) Send a tiny, warming drop of sympathy our way, a little smudge of sunshine, a litre of home heating oil. Anything! It's just not right. Children are not meant to trick-or-treat in the snow. I had to do that more than once as a kid, and it was just plain wrong. Snowsuits cover up Hallowe'en costumes and totally ruin the effect. Tootsie rolls freeze in the goody bag before you can even make it home. It's hard to keep Hallowe'en pumpkin candles lit in gale-force winds. So GO AWAY snow.

Now excuse me. I have to go hunt for my boots. And the snow shovel.

#$@^#*&@^*%^!!!!

10 comments:

  1. SNERT! I mean, oh dear Pnat. How dreadful. *Giggle* Really, I'm not laughing. Nor even jealous (much). Okay I'm totally laughing, but that's only because the way you write is just hysterical. If it makes you feel any better, it is FREEZING here. For Florida. It's 63. Perhaps I should shut up now? *flees*

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  2. Lizz, if you want to live to retirement age, I suggest you flee now...

    63F!!! GEEEEEZ! Send me an orange!

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  3. Oh poor poor Pnat! I can sympathize with you. Right now it's about 8C where I am, expected to get down to about 3C later. We generally don't get much snow in MD, but I think it might feel warmer if we did.

    At least you have the fun of watching the dogs make snow angels.

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  4. We are under a freeze warning in the Peach State so there go the basil, tomatoes, and eggplant. The cukes died of neglect a while ago. Rumor has it that we have Canada to thank for this!

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  5. The weatherman on my local radio station said that when we get early snow storms, there is USUALLY a change in the pattern in the middle of the season, a change for the good.
    So, Knat, there is hope, dear!!!

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  6. Hey now! It's pretty darn cold here in Atlanta this week! I am freezing my tush off at 30 some degrees! Reilly won't even stay out long.

    Now, snow I am not ready for, and *I* am escaping to the Caribbean in less than a month! So there! :)

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  7. Knatolee - I am laughing so hard! But then again I shouldn't - I live in Michigan where is can be 70 degrees one day and we get hit by a hailstorm the next!
    Are you sure you're not really living in Alaska???

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  8. I'm always so jeoulous of all the wide open spaces you have and the fun your dogs have. I'm NOT jeoulous of all the snow. :-)

    I agree, Halloween covered up is sooo not cool!

    ~ Wolf Lover Girl

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  9. Man! I thought I was freezing with my 48 deg mornings and 62 deg afternoons. I'll just shut up after seeing yours & Ginny's snow.

    So much for global warming.

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  10. The most annoying thing is that today is Hallowe'en, and the snow STILL hasn't melted. But it should today, because the temp is allegedly hitting around 50F!

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Thank you for all your comments, which I love to read!