Sunglasses Death Toll

Er, if you're wondering about the new addition to the sidebar...

I have killed off three pairs of sunglasses thus far in the past month. Hubster keeps laughing at me for this. He thinks I always lose sunglasses. He is wrong. I usually DESTROY sunglasses, most often by sitting or stepping on them when I put them down while outside gardening. But this year, the massacre is large and growing.

Pair one: I was trying to repair my "expensive" (I spent forty bucks on them. That is a lot for me!) sunglasses. The screw was constantly loose (on the sunglasses, not ME, thankyouverymuch), and I was determined to tighten it properly. Foolishly, and with characteristic impulsiveness, I chose to do this on our back deck, where there are larger-than-sunglass-screw-sized gaps between the boards. The screw I was trying to tighten dropped out and fell to oblivion, along with the spacer thing next to it. Bye bye!

Pair Two: So I bought myself a pair of basic black plastic sunglasses for $14.00 at the drugstore. It took me a week and a half to lose them. I wore them out kayaking last Friday. We were paddling downriver when we encountered a HUGE tree that had fallen across the water. I found a gap between the tree and the waterline that I could shimmy under in my kayak, à la limbo. (I was in no mood to get out and portage.) To fit under the tree trunk, I had to lie waaaaay back and slither down into the front of my kayak. My sunglasses were tucked not-very-securely into my lifejacket, or perhaps my hat. Evidently, they tumbled out and into the murky water whilst I was shaking my booty down into the depths of my noble orange vessel. Bye bye!

I should add that my eyes are very light sensitive, for various reasons, and I NEED sunglasses, especially if I am doing something outside that requires keeping my eyes open. You know, like driving an automobile. I must have a pair on hand. I can't be DOING this all the time. Sigh...

But no problemo! We were going out shopping Saturday, so I popped into yet another ubiquitous chain drugstore and scanned the sunglass racks (yes, I am capable of going into a proper store for sunglasses, but this area isn't awash in fine shopping opportunities.) What do I find but the same glasses I lost, at 40% off! BoNANza! So I picked up a pair in black, and also selected a pair in tortoiseshell, thinking that I would thus have an extra pair.

Not.

Pair three: Today I took the dogs into the woodlot. While wandering around in the pine trees, getting poked by branches and stung by stinging nettles, and generally not paying enough attention to anything because I was too busy grooving to Serena Ryder and Ozzy Osbourne (but not together! That would make for a a horrific duet. Poor Serena!*) on my iPod, I crammed my sunglasses into the pocket of my new shorts, utterly failing to realize that the pockets on these damn things are very shallow. Not unlike Stephen Harper.

Therefore, when I emerged from the woods into the bright light of day, I reached for my shades and found... nothing. Nada. Squat. Rien. Alas, the new black sunglasses, identical to the black sunglasses lost on Friday, now reside somewhere on the forest floor, to be nibbled at by squirrels and pooped upon by porcupines.

Bye bye!

Gordon did helpfully encourage me to buy one of those string thingies you wear around your neck and attach to your glasses so you can look like a forgetful little old lady. I dutifully bought one Saturday, sans rhinestones, then completely forgot about it (like a forgetful little old lady.) I think perhaps I shall attach it to the tortoiseshell glasses RIGHT NOW, before another ghastly sunglasses-icide occurs and I have to go out driving with my eyes closed.

And so my friends, I have implemented the Sunglasses Death Toll 2008 Amazing Sidebar Counter Thing. Count along, and weep with me for my tortured lenses.

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*...and may I also recommend the highly talented Basia Bulat?